True story: In 1987, Robert Charles Comer befriended a fellow camper, then robbed him and shot him in cold blood. The meth-fueled sociopath went to another campsite. Using an EMT badge he stole from the dead man, he persuaded a young couple that he was a drug enforcement agent. After winning their trust, he assaulted and bound the couple. Comer raped the woman repeatedly in front of her boyfriend, then abducted her. Miraculously, she managed to escape after Comer’s truck broke down. He was apprehended the next day.

You might have heard about this new game, All-Pro Football 2K8 (that’s gamer language for “Too Kate” — which I assume is a a tender dedication from the game’s programmer to e-lover). It’s the one that couldn’t get licensing from the NFL so they simply created their own fictional franchises and stocked the rosters with former NFL legends. While the game’s cover features such respectable citizens as John Elway, Jerry Rice, and Barry Sanders (very careful to put the white guy in the middle) the real star is on the inside…

(watch it all, the highlight comes at the very end).

Now let’s recap…

You’ve got OJ Simpson in a video game. Fair enough.

You make OJ the star player on a team called The Assassins. Pretty Questionable.

Your mascot for the Assassins is a giant, hooded, knife-wielding maniac who celebrates touchdowns with a stabbing motion? Bellissimo!

I find this intriguing and I believe it’s my duty to expand on the idea. Here are my suggestions for All-Pro Football 2K9 (e-bestiality is not cool!)…

We welcome your Player/Team/Mascot (and/or logo) suggestions in the comments.