Today, it is my sad duty to announce that the once-proud partnership between Corporate Peezy, LLC and the Miami Dolphins football club has come to a swift and absolute end. Our time together was a valuable and cherished one and Peezy has no regrets (he never do), but now it is clear that in order to survive we must part ways.

Peezy will go the way of respect, as he so often does.

Them Dolphins has decided to go another route.

DOWN THAT ROUTE LEADS DISPESPECT! AND FAILURE! BECAUSE AS AN ORGANIZATION, THEY DO NOT STRESS RESPECT!

Here is an anecdote I use to illustrate their lack of respect: Peezy come in to train during Super Bowl week because his professionalism sets the industry standard. Peezy could be at the beach, he could be at son’s soccer game fighting with disrespectful parent.

Nuh-uh. PEEZY PUT IN WORK! Hit them weights. Work on simulated MOUF FIXIN’ device. All that shit they don’t teach you on TV. Dedication.

So Peezy in the training room trying to be all he can be. And what does he find? Yellow Vitamin Water.

PEEZY DON’T DRINK NO GAY ASS YELLOW VITAMIN WATER! THEY KNOW THAT! PEEZY TOLD THEM! THAT’S DISRESPECT!

So Peezy respond the only way a man of integrity can: He got on that Jim Rome Show and said to LET OUR PEEZY GOOOOO!

What happened? Them bitches waited ONE WHOLE WEEK to let them Peezy go.

That just mean Dolphins get to be the all-time super Huckleberry next year. Peezy gonna cash on an uncapped offseason. Ginna find a team that respect the way bidness be run. Then he uncap his guns and bust shots in YO WATER MAMMAL MOUF! DON’T THINK PEEZY DON’T KNOW ABOUT DOLPHIN! HE KNOW!

Remember that big offseason fight that Rex Ryan had with Channing Crowder? Of course you don’t, because everyone stopped paying attention to the Dolphins weeks ago. “BUT REX DIDN’T FORGET! HE’S GONNA HAVE LINEMEN DRIVING AT THEM KNEES, STOCKARD CHANNING!”

But Rex also needs to know his rookie is ready to rebound from his disastrous performance against the Saints.

I MEAN, REALLY READY!

Oh loogit, little Nacho (his actual Rex-imposed nickname is the much more unfortunate Sanchise) is Twitter-humming the Monday Night Football theme. He hasn’t been this excited since his first date rape at USC. Good thing he doesn’t tell any jokes on his feed. It always weirds me out when Spanish-speaking people write out laughter as “jejejejejejeje” online.

Oh, Colts and Dolphins, you’re just one of those contests that was so much more interesting before everyone figured out how to stop Miami’s gimmicky bullstein. Besides, the Dolphins don’t matter when it’s high time for the Pierre Garcon breakout game! You know it. I know it. It’s gonna be just like Mario Manningham with the Giants last night.

Or not. But we’ll try to look surprised when DFC and Reggie Wayne get open when they should be double covered.

All right, kidlets – we’re firing up the Kkakemobile (“It’s the only car that needs a windshield wiper on the INTERIOR!”) and cruising down the HOV lane of the Dick Joke Expressway (formerly Matlock Expressway). I don’t have an EZ Pass, so you humps gotta pitch in for tolls.

Peezy don’t pay no mind. Peezy spends he offseason handling he business. Raising up the Junior Peezys to pillars of the community and respect they elders. That’s what Corporate Peezy do now that he made full transition from Gully Peezy. Gully Peezy a thing of the past. Outmoded business model and shit.

Like all corporations, we here at Corporate Peezy, LLC like to set timetables and spreadsheets, ’cause that’s what the game spreads go on. Last year, we made gains. This year, we lookin’ for more gains.

Gains is to the Peezy business model like yo mouf is to fixin’. Inevitably, they be coming together like brand synergy ‘n’ shit.

This the way it go: Peezy shows up to offsite training seminar, he listen to the new plays, then he set out on making the league the Huckleberry. We made a lot teams into Huckleberries last year, but this year we finish the job of full marketplace Hucklebefication. We gotta match our Hucklebefication Yields for Physical Year 2009.

So Corporate Peezy, LLC getting itself ready for its IPO: Initial Peezy Offering.

Before that can happen, he gotsta check where he portfolio be trading at, see where the market forecast be forecastin’.

THAT’S UNFAIR

DEVALUING OF STOCK!

Don’t when it got to be in the offseason that disrespect came to be standard business practice, but Peezy crushing this trend before it has sweeping effects on he patience.

First, I send a message to stockholders:

“Hey stockholders, we gonna get that ass. It be a return on your ass investment.”

Second, Peezy do a rookie haze on Pat White.

“Hey Pat White, wear this funny sailor hat and dance around for Peezy.”

Yeah, yeah, swab the deck! Swab that shit!

THAT’S HILARITY!

See, Peezy show true leadership skills in fording Corporate Peezy, LLC through a tough corporate climate. That way, when we take on other emerging venture THEM ATLANTA FAWLKINS on Sunday, you gonna see who the big riser is in bidness.

Trade secret – IT’S US, BITCH!

CORPORATE PEEZY, LLC, BIG RISER IN BIDNESS! WE RUN THIS SHIT!