We dub thee: PIPPI BONGSTOCKING. Credit to Deadspin commenter Gamboa Constrictor for Laurence Maroney’s new nickname. As much as we enjoy calling him Koolaid, those braids and his performance for the last two years warrant a more feminine moniker.

Maroney’s mug shot, by the way, comes after police pulled over some SUVs following a RICK RAWSS concert in St. Louis. Long story short: marijuana and guns, although the real crime is failing to put up fantasy numbers in Bill Belichick’s offense.

Regardless: bout time we got some construda in dis mothafukka.

This week, we’re holding the first annual KsK Kares Charity Drive for Fisher House, which supports disabled veterans and their families. You can donate directly to FH here.

After some Facebook pictures and excerpts surfaced on KSK this summer, the legend of Koolaid Maroney has grown exponentially. Yet time has done little to decode Koolaid‘s secrets of life. We wash our ass religiously, yet we still haven’t divined the mysteries behind ‘begul shitting’ or, more importantly, ‘construda.’

Frankly, we think our readers in New England are slacking on this one. Surely one of you underemployed slackers has had the opportunity to ask Maroney about construda. Koolaid has probably been asked about his increased role after the retirement of Corey Dillon a thousand freaking times already. Enough already. Someone ask something we actually want to know. If Ryan or Shaughnessy are reading this remember, one of you old bastards could land a Pulitzer over this.

In the meantime, Urban Dictionary has some suggestions, including our own, but none seem truly authoritative. Alas, the search continues.

Nothing smacks of self-indulgent off-season laziness like a YouTube post. But this week, we lack the energy for even a half-assed YouTube search. It’s much easier to post YouTube videos that readers send in to us.

This gem is from rakish gadabout Seth Kolloen from Enjoy the Enjoyment. Feast your eyes on this 1985 Seattle Seahawks’ music video featuring lead vocals from linebacker (and non-thriller) Michael Jackson, who is backed up by the future unfrozen caveman football coach… Mike Tice.

Truthfully, we are more than a little skeeved out by numerous elements of this video, not the least of which are Jackson’s nuthugger shorts and the sax solo in the shower. For a few moments, I thought it might go right into gay porn. Enjoy, kids…

Could this actually be worse than the Glasgow Diamonds’ video?