There, I did it. I torched a beloved Terrible Towel for your malicious delectation. After all, I’m a man of my word. Now go run out and buy The Football Fan’s Manifesto in exchange for my WRENCHING ULTIMATE SACRIFICE. Or just buy it because you think it might be a entertaining read. Either way, I’ll be doing a live chat on Deadspin starting around the noontime hour today (UPDATE: Here’s the link), as they’re running an excerpt from the book, along with a bunch of photos of me relapsing into alcohol and drugs after years of clean living through religion. After the jump, another member of the Ape clan brings shame to the family.

Rule of thumb: when you frequently mention to your son who writes for a profane sports blog that you’ve become a regular reader of said blog, don’t be shocked when he ambushes you for a video prediction about your favorite team. Papa Ape doesn’t come up short in the homerism department, giving an overly optimistic assessment of his Niners’ chances (BECAWSE HE’S NAWT AS SMAHT AS SIMMONS’ DAD) but also bothers to ask for clarification on one of the more colorful terms that often appears on our fair blog.