Here’s the sure-to-be never discussed Stevie Johnson TD celebration where he gags on Plaxico cheddar bobbing himself then simulates a jet crash. Quite the compound celebration. One day we’re gonna need a museum guide to explain the references in these dances. Now let’s all chew on the irony of Goodell almost certainly fining Stevie for using fingagunz, even in the service of mocking a player’s stupidity with real guns.

In other developments, Matt Leinart lasted not even a full half before hurting his shoulder and being replaced by the amusingly named T.J. Yates. He did throw his first touchdown pass in three seasons, thus eclipsing the highest expectations any had for him for the remainder of the year.

UPDATE: Jerome Simpson with a flop of a lifetime. He sells moves more than Randy Orton.

Former Super Bowl hero Plaxico Burress was reportedly met by a number of jeers and catcalls from fellow inmates when he was taken to Riker’s Island prison to begin serving his sentence for weapons violations. This isn’t too surprising considering Burress’ notoriety and the high-profile criminal case against him. KSK has more than a few readers inside NYC’s “sixth borough” and they shared some of the comments directed toward Burress yesterday.

“You’re a dead man. This is the world’s largest concentration of Jets fans.”

“Any man who drops a pass spends a night in the box.”

“The Michigan State Alumni Group meets on Tuesdays at 2:45, near the basketball courts.”

“I must admit I didn’t think much of Plaxico first time I laid eyes on him. He might’a been important on the outside, but in here he was just a little turd in prison grays. Looked like a stiff breeze could blow him over. That was my first impression of the man.”

“Charlatan!!!”

“Don’t worry, you can still make regular visits to LQ. Locked-up Queens, that is!”

I assure you nurse, I am Harris Smith. Have been all my life. Unfortunately, I was struck by some stray gunfire in the course of my work as a collector of antiquities. These are the hazards that attend that line of work, I’m afraid. Some folks are awful sensitive about their 18th century chinoiserie cabinets. Especially if they’re located in an Applebee’s.

I meet the description of whom? Sorry, I don’t follow the tabloids much. My exposure to the outside world consists of watching a little NewsHour with Jim Lehrer, curling up and reading my Economist with some yerba mate. Maybe listen to a little All Things Considered if I’m in the mood for whimsy. I find sports mostly disagreeable, though an impromptu game of squash is a fine divertissement from the day’s labors. My friend, uh, Eeeeeeeee….Elmer. Elmer taught it to me.

Plaxico? No, I know no one by that name. That we are both towering lanky black men is an odd quirk of fate. Super Bowl ring? No, that’s my class ring. We were also the Giants. I agree it is nice for a high school ring, thank you. No, the Smith family would never give one of their own such a garish-sounding name. Plaxico. Ugh. It offends the tongue.

[Kid with a Giants hat dashes into the room]

“Hey mister. My dad says you jog through your routes when you’re not the primary target.”

Heh heh heh. Children. Such fanciful imaginations they have.

[Turns back to nurse, flashes kid the gun he has stowed in his waistband. Kid runs off.]

Yes, yes, run along, scamp. Get into more monkeyshines while you can.

Where were we?

Yes, the bullet in my leg.

Can you do something about that? It might adversely affect my career. In antiquities. Must be in top physical form to lug all that furniture around. In an Applebee’s.

Look, if you had one shot — one opportunity — to take an illegal handgun into a night club, then shoot yourself in the leg to jeopardize your multi-million-dollar contract, then spend 90 minutes trying to find a hospital that will treat your wound discreetly, then give that hospital a fake name and say the incident happened at an Applebee’s…

One moment.

Would you capture it… or just let it slip?

(image by the always awesome LSUFreek)