Chad Ochocinco, né Johnson, native of Miami, alumnus of Santa Monica and Oregon State, longtime receiver for the Cincinnati Bengals, and newest addition to New England’s FOOTBALL RED SAWX, displays some of the oldest Red Sox merchandise in Fenway during last night’s Yankees game, which was won by who cares it’s baseball. Also pictured: an obviously enthralled Evelyn Lozada and lumpy middle-aged Peter King types wealthy enough to afford great seats at Fenway but not quite so rich as to enjoy the the roomy luxury box seats that make Boston’s bandbox the greatest sports stadium in the galaxy.

Suddenly, I’m very excited for this season’s “Ocho and Marvin” spin-off, “Ocho and Belichick.”

(screencap via @jose3030)

Chad Ochocinco tweeted the above “before” and “after” pictures from his team’s locker room, and I must say, that Bengal in the background has his one good eye locked on Chad’s ass. Hopefully this is the first of many crossovers between the Bengals and It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia. They’ve also looked in to the possibility of outfitting Jordan Shipley with kitten mittens, and introducing an all-green alternate jersey.

Via Ocho’s Twitter

Here’s the trailer for VH1′s upcoming reality show, “Ochocinco: The Ultimate Catch.” It features Chad Ochocinco searching for love from a large field of women who are put into a bracket and must advance towards Chad’s heart, tournament-style. It appears to be similar to “Flavor of Love,” except the women are (slightly) less trashy and the male prize isn’t some creepy washed-up hobbit.

There’s a lot to learn here, too. At one point in the video, Chad tells a suitor, “Kisses open an emotional gate.” Sounds to me like SOMEONE is ready to guest-author the KSK mailbag.

Anyway, that brings us to today’s commenter draft topic:

NFL Player You’d Like to See Have His Own Reality Dating Show.

The Rules: Along with your pick, you must present a title for the show. Example: “Ray Lewis: A Stab at Love.” Retired players are fair game, as are married players (just pretend that the present wife died of, say, breast cancer. Or in a church fire.) As always, wait for ten other commenters to select before commenting again.

The official KSK first pick of the draft: While it would be nice to pick Brett Favre and watch him be forced to make a decision every week, the last thing we want to see is more Favre. So that leads us to…

“Quarter Past Rape: Making Time with Big Ben.” The twist is that none of the women on the show want to have sex with Roethlisberger. WHO WILL SUCCESSFULLY EVADE THE BATHROOM STAGE?

After getting a litte bit of inspiration from this Ben Roethlisberger post on With Leather, I set out to distort some of the other familiar faces in the NFL. I really don’t know how else to set this up, other than to say that the last one probably looks a little too lifelike. Enjoy.

Those of you who follow @OGOchoCinco and/or watched last night’s premier of Hard Knocks are undoubtedly familiar with Chad’s favorite expression, “Child Please!”. Now it looks as if Reebok is going to market this slogan, which probably means that we aren’t allowed to put it on one of our high quality garments.

[TwitPic]