As Otto Man noted in the comments earlier, Julius Peppers’s freakishly huge grin is reminiscent of Soundgarden’s “Black Hole Sun” video. Oh ho ho, but there’s something creepier than the “Black Hole Sun” video…

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For this Very Special Finale of Sexy Friday, I thought we’d roll out the mysterious amateur web model that so many of you have admired a few times before. Below, see the full gallery of li’l miss Tits McGee, read how this came to be the final episode of Sexy Friday, and learn what brand new feature we’ll be introducing that could possibly replace attractive women.

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A couple recurring themes this week, in both the letters we answer and the multitudes upon multitudes we simply didn’t have room or time for. Primarily, fantasy owners are worried about the slow starts from Matt Forte and Steve Slaton, and a surprisingly high number of you don’t know if you should start Felix Jones even though Marion Barber pulled his quadriceps. Oh, and you all have messed up notions of what women should be willing to do in the bedroom, but that’s nothing new.

Let’s kick things off with an email that will make you feel better about your miserable life, shall we?

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“Hey, what’s goin’ on? … Me? Oh, not much. Just doing weighted squats with a kettlebell on the beach at sunset. Got some Uggs on ‘cuz it’s kinda cold.”

Well folks, although there’s still another week until Fight Gone Bad, but this post marks the end of our annual KSK Kares Kharity Drive. As I write this, we’ve raised $4,795 towards my goal of $5000, and so far your efforts have put me in 4th place in money raised to benefit the Wounded Warrior Project and Athletes for a Cure. That’s out of thousands and thousands of athletes competing.

If you’d like to help make a final push and help me attain (and exceed) my goal, please donate here. It’d be pretty cool to finish #1 overall and help out some veterans and cancer patients in the process. Otherwise, feel free to enjoy these lovely ladies of CrossFit.

UPDATE on the puking situation: For those of you who are donating only to see pictures of me vomiting, good news: I booted after a 2000-meter row last night. It doesn’t mean I’ll necessarily do it at FGB, but it’s certainly a good sign for you.

Apologies for yet another departure from the subject of football, but I wanted to say thank you to everyone who donated to my Fight Gone Bad effort to support wounded veterans and prostate cancer research. In the last 24 hours, KSK readers donated over $2000 to FGB IV, bringing my tally to over $4000 and guaranteeing you, the reader, four humiliating pictures of me looking ill while throwing a medicine ball or struggling to get 75 pounds overhead for the fortieth time.

Anyway, our most generous donations yesterday came from readers Ace Bandito of James W. Brown Animations and Mark Curtis. Mark deferred on the prize, so Ace is the proud owner of a pair of Oakley Gascans. And if you don’t think they’re cool, check out how awesome that dog looks. Congratulations to Ace, and thank you again to everyone who donated.

One final thing. The person who made the third-highest donation wrote something that impressed me even more than his generous gift, and I wanted to share it with you because he’s KSK’s de facto Nice Human being of the Week:

If my donation is in fact big enough to win the Oakleys, I ask that you keep my name anonymous on the site.  Being lauded for my “charitable magnanimity and general physical attractiveness” sounds pretty damn good  but this donation isn’t about me so I would appreciate you keeping me anonymous (and I’m not trying to sound presumptuous because here’s to hoping that someone else donates more than I do).  All that I ask is that you give a shout out to The Vikes and ND Football in some way if possible.  Not too much to ask, though I’m sure you’ll get some shit for anything regarding ND.  Thanks, and good luck at FGB.

No, it certainly isn’t too much to ask. See below.

You know, I very occasionally go to business meetings or blog-centric parties where people are always lauding blogs for their voices and praising the few of us professional bloggers while using words like “tastemakers” and “trailblazers,” and it always feels completely false, because I always keep blogs’ influence in perspective. The percentage of the American population that knows this site is preposterously small. Most of the people I’ve met in my life have no idea what I do or how I’m able to make a living off of it. Day-to-day life out in the real world makes the importance of a blog feel pretty small.

But then we ask you to help out for a cause, and you give us $4000 in the heart of a recession. It is absolutely humbling, and on behalf of Athletes for a Cure and the Wounded Warrior Project, I thank you for your support. I look forward to puking for you.

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I know you’re all focused on the new NFL season and busy trawling the waiver wire for fantasy pick-ups, but I wanted to briefly thank everyone who has donated to my participation in Fight Gone Bad IV, which benefits Athletes for a Cure and the Wounded Warrior Project (more on all that here).

Yesterday, KSK readers donated $615 to my fund, which currently stands at more than $1900. Unbeknownst to me, there was something called the FGB IV Home Stretch Challenge, and $615 was more than any other athlete raised yesterday, so I won said challenge. The prize: a pair of limited edition Oakley Gascan sunglasses. These are nice sunglasses. But I don’t deserve them; you do. (Besides, my charming translucent pallor prevents me from experiencing direct sunlight.)

Perhaps in a perfect world, I could break the sunglasses into scores of different-sized pieces and mail every donor a sunglass shard proportionate to their gift. Instead, let’s do this: make a donation, then forward me the email you receive confirming your donation (my email). The person who makes the largest donation between now and 5 p.m. Eastern tomorrow will be lauded on this blog for their charitable magnanimity and general physical attractiveness — and he or she will also be the proud new owner of a pair of limited edition Oakley Gascan sunglasses.

Also: consider this a reminder to send us questions for tomorrow’s sex/fantasy football mailbag. Naturally, we’ll favor submissions from people who have donated to FGB.

MOAR $ PLZ. Congratulations, sexy readers: we’ve cracked the $1000 mark in the KSK Kares Kharity Drive to benefit my impending ass-kicking in Fight Gone Bad IV, benefiting the Wounded Warrior Project and Athletes for a Cure. Unfortunately, we’ve still got a ways to get to the $5000 goal.

As incentive, I shall post photos of the delightfully in-shape women of CrossFit until we get to 5 G’s. (Just as a general suggestion to every woman in the world: you are hereby invited to do more squats. Yowza.) Also, I realize we have female/gay readers, so here’s a little somethin’ for you, too.

If you haven’t donated yet (or feel like donating again — c’mon, you don’t need that lap dance), you can do so here. Thanks for all your generosity so far. (click image for larger)

The jailbait in the photo is someone who commenter FEAST claims is named Brandii Breaston, which doesn’t sound like a real name to me at all. You may recognize her from this Sexy Friday. We rolled her back out because our last letter today features teenage female masturbation, and I prefer to think of Brandii — if that is here real name — as underage.

But first, this question:

If you guys are so smart about sex and football, explain to me why I can’t get my wife to blow me during Monday Night Football?

flubby: I dunno, someone beat you to it?

BOOM. Roasted.

Let’s get on with this. Up next, an update from the 29-year-old gentleman who wondered if he should accept the advances of the 20-year-old he once babysat.

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(this logo brought to you by Ed Hardy)

We here at KSK are awful people. We sit on our asses watching a violent sport, ingesting fried food and alcohol, and then we devote the rest of our week to telling the meanest, crudest jokes we can think of. We challenge each other to swear in new and inventive ways. We draw on racist stereotypes for cheap laughs and make casual assertions of homosexuality.

We’re all headed straight to hell.

UNLESS! Unless we can use our evil powers for good! That’s right, it’s the third annual KSK Kares Kharity Drive! In 2007, when our little blog was barely a year old, we raised $1565 for Fisher House, which helps the families of wounded and amputee veterans. Last year, even with the economy at its absolute worst, you fine readers went above and beyond and chipped in $2495 for charity.

This year, I, Matt Ufford/Captain Caveman, will participate in Fight Gone Bad, a brutally punishing workout that raises money for the Wounded Warrior Project (raising awareness and providing aid to severely wounded veterans) and Athletes for a Cure (fighting prostate cancer). That’s right: TWO charities! That’s twice the charities to brag about donating to at your next cocktail party!

What exactly does Fight Gone Bad entail? I’m glad you asked. On Saturday, September 26th, I’m going to head over to CrossFit South Brooklyn and perform three five-minute rounds of a sadistic combination of exercises:

1. Wall-ball: 20-pound medicine ball, 10 ft target.
2. Sumo deadlift high-pull: 75 pounds
3. Box Jump: 20″ box
4. Push-press: 75 pounds
5. Row

You don’t have any idea what most of that is, do you? Here’s what it looked like last year:

Nice place, right? It’s like working out in a dungeon with windows.

ANYWAY, here’s where you come in. For every thousand dollars donated via my athlete page at FGB, I’ll pay back your kindness by posting one picture of me at FGB in increasing order of humiliation. One thousand dollars and it’ll be me shirtless, which is only mildly embarrassing. Two grand gets you a photo of me making a stupid face and sweating. $3000 and you get me curled up in the fetal position, unwilling and unable to move. Five grand is my goal, and if we hit that you get the money shot: me vomiting into a trash can.*

So please, donate now. I’ve started us off with $50, so we’re already 1% of the way there. The sooner we get to five G’s, the sooner we’ll stop reminding you to please help us support wounded veterans while also fighting cancer. You don’t want the cancer terrorists to win, do you? C’mon, let’s humiliate me for a good cause.

*assuming I vomit, which I almost certainly will