And now, answers to the Peter King crossword puzzle:

ACROSS

3. Most humane train (ACELA)
5. You should respect it (SUN)
10. Land baron (FAVRE)
12. Johnny Damon lookalike (MARKSANCHEZ)
13. Criminally melted candy (KITKAT)
16. Extraneous urban asset (CAR)
17. The perfect save (VOICEMAIL)
18. Alarming new fashion trend 9UGGS)
19. Disturbing trend on I-95 (TRAFFIC)

DOWN

1. No room at the Inn? (WESTIN)
2. Led NFL in smiles during 2008 season (TONYROMO)
4. Unknowable science (CHEMISTRY)
6. Crime committed by film companies (EXTORTION)
7. Favre? (FAVRE)
8. Chain restaurant with coffee-flavored water (JILLIANS)
9. Ohio home of Toone P. Wiggins (SIDNEY)
11. Two wonderful? (JETER)
14. Moniker for SI scribe Banks (BRASCO)
15. Pre-ferred prefix (SEMI)
16. Car part, defined (CLUTCH)

Over the weekend, we were flooded with emails, texts, telegrams, and letters sent via Pony Express that made us aware of Sunday’s New York Times crossword puzzle, which was built around Peter King’s request in his column — the one that is occasionally about football — that he be in a New York Times crossword puzzle. Sigh.

As it just so happens, your weekly King eviscerator Drew Magary is unavailable today, so this PK-themed crossword puzzle will have to satisfy you until Drew’s MMQB breakdown drops tomorrow. We’ll post the answers in a few hours.

ACROSS

3. Most humane train
5. You should respect it
10. Land baron
12. Johnny Damon lookalike
13. Criminally melted candy
16. Extraneous urban asset
17. The perfect save
18. Alarming new fashion trend
19. Disturbing trend on I-95

DOWN

1. No room at the Inn?
2. Led NFL in smiles during 2008 season
4. Unknowable science
6. Crime committed by film companies
7. Favre?
8. Chain restaurant with coffee-flavored water
9. Ohio home of Toone P. Wiggins
11. Two wonderful?
14. Moniker for SI scribe Banks
15. Pre-ferred prefix
16. Car part, defined

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You’ll notice that this is neither the Friday Five nor Sexy Friday. We got rid of Sexy Friday because too many people bitched about it not being posted by the time they wanted it to be posted, and when we posted it other people would bitch about whichever image of an attractive woman not being sexy enough. So we replaced it with the Friday Five, which has led to three weeks of bitching about there not being a Sexy Friday, without any kind of realization that that’s the exact kind of behavior we delight in punishing.

This is symptomatic of a larger trend. In general, the quality of the comments at KSK has declined dramatically over the last year or so, so let’s get some things straight.

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Many of you have taken to writing ONLY a fantasy football question, which kind of irks me. We’re giving free mediocre fantasy advice here, and all we ask for in return is a window into your sordid sex life. Is that really so much to ask?

But then some of you write in with only sex-related questions, and I realize that perhaps that balances things out. Besides, I’ve always preached brevity, so it would seem strange to demand uninteresting questions you don’t really care about. So you may all continue to flaunt the rules. For now.

This week: manscaping, girl farts, Ryan Grant, bye week dilemmas, reunions, bad trades, mailbag etiquette, sterility, dog poo, and Dungeons and Dragons metaphors. Let’s do it.

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Wooooo hoo hooooooooooooo!!!!!! Howdy pardners! I’ve given Unsilent Majority the week off because I’m in Las Vegas and I can place bets IN PERSON! That is at least EIGHT TIMES the rush you get if you’re betting online. Hell, I even chose to take a redeye home on Sunday night so I could watch all the games in the sports book. And also so I can collect all my winnings immediately.

Just kidding! I’m terrible at gambling and I don’t know what I’m doing! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

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Longtime readers of this site know that I’ve always had a love-hate relationship with aging white safety Brian Russell — in that I would love it if he died, because I hate him. But ever since the gritty veteran (read: slow and talentless) got cut by the Seahawks, I no longer wish him death.

Instead, I want him signed on a week-to-week basis by whomever the Seahawks play on Sunday. The animated GIF above shows Russell in his new Jacksonville threads getting blown up by Justin Forsett, Seattle’s 5′8″, 194-pound third-string running back — possibly my favorite highlight in a 41-0 ass-stomping that involved four passing touchdowns, a defensive touchdown, and the self-bloodied visage of psycho hillbilly Owen Schmitt.

Delicious schadenfreude, or deliciousest schadenfreude? Oh, deliciousest for sure. Your failure sustains me, Russell.

[via Field Gulls]

Every now and again, we at KSK stumble across something outside the realm of professional football that we feel compelled to share, such as Beaker’s adventures in the nation’s capital. Yesterday, when Unsilent Majority requested a Photoshop of a Nazi-fied Mr. Peanut for the Meast/Least, Christmas Ape obliged with the cheerful anthropomorphized fascist legume you see above. Just look at Nazi Peanut (full name: Stabgsefreiter Johann Erdnuss of the Fuhrer’s Wehrmact) — so dashing, so full of the joie-de-vivre that comes from the extermination of Jews to purify the Fatherland. How can he wear those jackboots and not dance a little jig?

So charmed were we with Herr Peanut that we captured some images of him hangin’ out with his pals, making the Third Reich a happier, more delicious place.

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Hey, who’s a gigantic tool?

THIS GUY.

For those of you who are late getting to the charitable party, the astoundingly generous KSK community raised $8,346 dollars for my participation in Fight Gone Bad IV, which just so happened to be the second-highest total of the 5000 CrossFit athletes who participated, an effort that helped FGB raise over $1 million for the Wounded Warrior Project and Athletes for a Cure. You are all to be commended and rewarded, and the only way that I can reward you is by offering up my sweaty, imperfect being for your satanically cruel scrutiny.

After the jump is my Fight Gone Bad experience in words and pictures, as promised. Be warned: male shirtlessness and vomit ensue.

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Gross! Drew’s kissing a cat!

Welcome to the Friday Five, our unimaginitively-named Friday afternoon post where we provide you with five things the KSK staff is looking forward to this coming weekend. Today’s sponsor is the recently discovered Gangsta Cat, aka Sebastian, the cat with gold teeth.

This week, we’re looking forward to…

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For those of you who may be wondering, we didn’t request your sex/fantasy football questions yesterday because we now get enough emails to power the mailbag without having to remind anyone. Oh my God! The mailbag — it’s self-sustaining!

Before we dive in, I’d like to offer up some fantasy talking points that stick out to me this week.

Trades: I’ve said in the past that we really don’t get a feeling for how the season is going to shape up until Week 4. Prior to that the sample size is just too small to figure out what’s a fluke and what’s a trend. So, unless you’ve lost a key starter for six weeks or more, I think it’s wise to hold off on making a trade until after this week’s games.

T.J. Houshmandzadeh: I was high on Housh before the season, believing that he’d bring his trend of 100-catch seasons to Seattle. While I still believe his numbers will improve in the coming weeks, it’s obvious that both Seneca Wallace and Matt Hasselbeck prefer targeting Nate Burleson. I apologize to anyone who listened to me. If it’s any consolation, I also suggested you draft Matt Schaub.

The Jets: The Jets’ defense will F your fantasy team right in the A. In the first three weeks, they completely shut down Matt Schaub, Andre Johnson, and Tom Brady, then held Chris Johnson under 100 yards rushing and without a touchdown. I’d never be so crazy to suggest benching Drew Brees this Sunday, but in the coming weeks be prepared for your players to struggle when they face Rex Ryan’s pussy-tubin’ crew.

Now then. On to your questions! (more…)