You would think the preponderance of piss poor games on Thanksgiving would free up some quality for the early slate on Sunday, but then you’d think a lot of other things that are stupid and wrong. Instead, we’ve got a slate of dreck toplined by two AFC divisional contests that were very closely contested by the inferior team the first time around (Cleveland was headed for a tie in Cincy before Bengals players had to convince Marvin Lewis to go for the victory, while Kris Brown did his thing in missing a field goal to force overtime a few weeks back in Indy) which means the better team will probably win in a massacre now. BUT NOT SO FAST! Spinnin’ Dwight Freeney is out for the Colts and Cedric Benson is inactive in Cleveland. Freeney’s absence could have some significance, but the loss of Benson probably won’t affect anything beyond fantasy rosters.

Also, the Texans signed Brian Russell this week. As if Peyton didn’t have enough DBs to pick on.

What other pointless affairs do we have to monitor?

Miami at Buffalo: Have the Bills hired Mike Shanahan yet? No? Good I’d rather they hold out for Mike Zimmer anyway. I still think Ricky Williams should have won Meast last week over Matt Stafford. How hard is it to look great against the Browns?

Seattle at St. Louis: [Casts around for something to say about this game] Hey, look at this wacky picture!

Carolina at Pussytubers: They already castrated a jaguar. Do they have to run through the entire cat family?

Tampa Bay at Atlanta: Because Raheem Morris needs to be a little more overwhelmed as a rookie head coach, he stripped his defensive coordinator of his duties and will call defensive plays himself.

Washington at Philly: I think the Maj is too busy getting Gilbert Arenas a million Twitter followers to bother with this game.

Zoe noes! Jessica Simpson was spotted wearing a Cowboys hoodie again at some point this week. That might be considered a jinx in some instances (if such thing actually existed) but it will take far more than superstition to counter the staggering collective forces of fail that emanate from the Redskins and their fans who are now finally permitted to wave bitchy signs.

For those of you who might be wondering, “Could the Seahawks have made Tony Romo look any better yesterday?” the answer is YES: they could still be starting Brian Russell at free safety. He’s too slow and too weak for the NFL, and I dare an NFL team to sign him and still finish the season .500. It can’t be done.

(via Field Gulls)

Longtime readers of this site know that I’ve always had a love-hate relationship with aging white safety Brian Russell — in that I would love it if he died, because I hate him. But ever since the gritty veteran (read: slow and talentless) got cut by the Seahawks, I no longer wish him death.

Instead, I want him signed on a week-to-week basis by whomever the Seahawks play on Sunday. The animated GIF above shows Russell in his new Jacksonville threads getting blown up by Justin Forsett, Seattle’s 5’8″, 194-pound third-string running back — possibly my favorite highlight in a 41-0 ass-stomping that involved four passing touchdowns, a defensive touchdown, and the self-bloodied visage of psycho hillbilly Owen Schmitt.

Delicious schadenfreude, or deliciousest schadenfreude? Oh, deliciousest for sure. Your failure sustains me, Russell.

[via Field Gulls]

The Seahawks cut useless-ass Brian Russell today to make room on their roster for Lawyer Milloy. The joy that this gives me is beyond measure. Two sacks and ONE interception in 32 games. As a FREE SAFETY. Good riddance to bad tackling, bad ball skills, bad physical ability, and late hits. I will hate you forever, jackass.

On the plus side for Russell, I no longer hope he gets cancer. I hope he gets playing time for the Cardinals.