There’s been an odd amount of blowback over Michael Silver’s GQ feature about Tim Tebow’s first year as an NFL starter, especially since it was a mostly complimentary piece about the Runslinger tent revival phenomenon. Still, it contained just the right amount of criticism (to be precise, ANY amount of criticism) to set off a massive wave of Tebowtard wrath. Not only that, but those concerned with things like fairness in journalism tsk-tsked Silver for not giving career pissboy Brady Quinn an honest portrayal in the piece.

Such outrage has transformed Silver’s Twitter feed, typically an array of homeristic boasts about Cal Bears athletics, into a stream of defensive comments from the writer and douchey retweets from Silver fans who wished they had haters like their favorite football columnist.

Ha ha, using the most inflammatory quotes and ignoring the rest isn’t how journalism works. That’s how Rock Bottom works.

Take it from me, a failed journalist! Look, I don’t care that Silver didn’t give Brady Quinn a fair shake in his piece. I’ll take players badmouthing Tebow however I can get it. Just be upfront about dicking someone over to spice up a story and don’t fill my timeline with an unctuous lecture about ethics.

You know how I know you f*cked up? You got burned by Norv. No one’s ever been burned by Norv in the entire history of burnination.

In the March issue of GQ, Yahoo!’s Michael Silver presents an oral history of Tebowmania, because why not, since Jeremy Lin’s emergence gives sports media an opportunity to rehash the inane discussions they had a few months back.

There’s a good amount of laudatory stuff said about Tebow in the piece, but I feel confident in saying that none of us want to read that. Instead, I’ve gone to the trouble of culling the extensive bitchy-comic comments from Brady Quinn as well as the nasty things that other players had to say about His Tebowmanianess.

Brady Quinn (backup QB, Denver Broncos): Early in the season, there was a game when Kyle [Orton] got hurt and the coaches were calling for me to go in, but Kyle got up and finished the game out. So I was the second-string guy. Then, a few weeks later, they decided to put Tim in. I felt like the fans had a lot to do with that. Just ’cause they were chanting his name. There was a big calling for him. No, I didn’t have any billboards. That would have been nice.

Well, in that case…

Terrell Suggs (outside linebacker, Baltimore Ravens): They say we were giving him a hard time because he’s a Christian. No, that’s not it! We were giving him a hard time because he was terrible.

Dammit, Suggs. First you call Skip Bayless a douchebag on TV and now this. Don’t make me like you.

Quinn: [discussing wins in Weeks 9 and 10 over the Chiefs and Raiders] The entire game, the defensive line is chasing the quarterback around, and that wears down the pass rush. Meanwhile, the defensive backs are chasing receivers, but you only throw eight passes, so they start to feel lazy. It only takes that one play, that one big pass, for a touchdown.

Kurt Warner: I’m more of a purist, a drop-back passer, and there were times that it was almost difficult to watch. Like, this isn’t supposed to be happening, and I don’t know how to filter it through my brain.

Jared Allen (defensive end, Minnesota Vikings): We decided not to cover anybody in that game, so we left guys wide-open for him to hit, which sucked. It can lull you to sleep, where you’re just thinking, “We can stop the run. We can stop Tebow.” But you know, it’s still the NFL. You don’t need to be Tom Brady to hit a wide-open guy.

Allen: You can still see that child mentality in him. He just has that grin on his face, and he’s out there playing ball. We were talking about sacks, and he said, “You got lucky I fumbled that.” I told him, “You got lucky that everybody’s been wide-open!” He just laughed.

Allen: You know what the coolest part about the whole thing is? And the reason people hate it? Because it’s showing that the conventional wisdom of coaches isn’t really necessary. You know, coaches always think they have the winning theory: “Our way is the right way! Blah blah blah!” Well, here’s a dude that they basically had to scrap the whole offense for and go back to running a college [system]. And they have been successful with it. Sometimes people think the game is more difficult than it is. If you find something that works, go with it. And I don’t really think it has to be a nine-syllable frickin’ play.

Quinn: We’ve had a lot of, I guess, luck, to put it simply.

Quinn: If you look at it as a whole, there’s a lot of things that just don’t seem very humble to me. When I get that opportunity, I’ll continue to lead not necessarily by trying to get in front of the camera and praying but by praying with my teammates, you know?

Shawne Merriman (linebacker, Buffalo Bills): His teammates are making him look a lot better than he is.

Would have been nice for Silver to give Tebow a chance to make a steroids rejoinder here, but Tebow’s probably too lame to take it, anyway.

Suggs: I mean, it’s an insult to us players. You know, wins are hard to come by in this league, and if I was Denver’s defense, I would feel a certain way—they’re not allowed to [say it], ’cause they’re all on one team, but people are making it look like Tim Tebow is the kid from Foxboro—which, that couldn’t be more opposite. It’s just crazy that we’re calling him a phenomenon when basically he’s mediocre. Cam Newton’s a way better quarterback than Tim Tebow, and we don’t have a Cam Newton phenomenon.

Suggs: He went six for twenty-two for sixty yards [against the Chiefs]! That’s terrible quarterbacking. Are you kidding me? No matter how many bad games Tim Tebow is gonna have, it’s “He’s great.” I’ll never understand it.

If there were an entire magazine dedicated to negative quotes about Tebow, I’d get 400 subscriptions and leave them in the waiting rooms of every doctor in the region. Two for abortion doctors.

This would probably pass for hilarious in the Antarctic Circle; but seriously, if a couple of penguins can realize what a bad decision it was for the Cleveland Browns to sign Jake Delhomme, why couldn’t they? To be fair, when most of a typical day involves standing around in the snowy elements, that leaves a lot of time to think about other things. Like going out and buying a Ford Taurus, for example.

Mike Holmgren just made the biggest mistake of his life. The Cleveland Browns will never emerge from the dregs of the NFL until they learn how to properly handle a franchise quarterback. In what has to be the team’s worst move since they unceremoniously dropped Tim Couch, GM Mike Holmgren shipped former first round pick Brady Quinn to Denver for a fullback, a sixth rounder, and possibly a “conditional” pick. Travishamockery! Now I don’t know what a conditional pick is, but I do know good conditioning when I see it, and Quinn practically defines the word. [Nosebleeds (a blog that really seems to get it.]

There’s always a towering superstructure of fail to rummage through on any given gameday, but this Garo Yepremian-like fumble throw from Brady Quinn was a clear standout on this Sunday, at least until the Bears took the field, started running fake punts up the middle on 4th and 11 (only to challenge them), and generally having a pickerceptionkkake with a side entree of sulk.

The winners, however, they can’t help but exude a certain bravado (unless it’s Eli). Take Aaron Rodgers. Statistically, he didn’t have a particularly amazing game. But he whiped out Ken’s shoryuken after his winning TD pass to Greg Jennings. That’s enough to make you think to yourself that he deserved it all along.

Even if he was being rooted on by these mutants.

[Thanks to reader Rafael for the Rodgers gif]

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Brady Quinn’s questionable hand gestures. Cleveland’s quarterback competition is so intense that Brady Quinn has gone so far as to tell his team’s defense which play Derek Anderson’s offense will run during intra-squad scrimmages. That’s exactly the kind of questionable ethics Eric Mangini is looking for in a quarterback. [PFT]

Over the weekend Ohioans from all over the state descended on Cedar Point to enjoy the rides and take part in the celebration of Brady Quinn Day. For one special young lady the day provided an opportunity to stand by gasping for air while the love of her life walked past her. Fortunately the Sandusky Register was there to capture her reaction to such a thrilling close encounter.

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It is with heavy hearts that we bid farewell to Brady Quinn for the rest of the season. Cleveland’s quarterback has a broken index finger, an injury that’s been exacerbated by Quinn’s insistence on using said finger to stimulate his own prostate. Truly, a sad day for football fans everywhere.

Until next year, enjoy some “classic” Quinn.

Heeeeyyyyyyyy fellas, gonna check out my big coming out party this evening? It’s be there or be there with a bear. Much better than those spontaneous…things…that happened when the Barry won the White House. I’m still not ready to talk about it. A lot of pumpkin spice Blue Moons went into drowning out that sorrow.

That’s not even funny. I wasn’t for the Obama man. I was all about my homegirl Palin. Shit, Homegirl was gonna do it up right and spend half the treasury on interior design for the Naval Observatory. I could go for some navel observation myself. Ooooooooh. In-spir-RAY-tion!

I hope I don’t get tackled too rough now. It’d really scuff this argyle sweater Homegirl bought for me at Neiman Marcus. I better not have to give it back now that she lost. I already spilled seminal fluid all over it.

Who knows? Maybe if I do good we get one of those Super Bowl things people get all torqued up about.

So c’mon, Denver. It’s on like throbbing dong. You’ve already let a few offenses have their way with you, you little sluts. What’s one more reaming from Brady gonna hurt you?

I’m just so happy to be off the sideline. Everybody’s all Gloomy Guses over there, always complaining about when Romeo wastes timeouts and never in the mood for letting be Sasha Fierce. All’s I know is whatever that Super Bowl thing is, I’d be hard pressed to beat the bowl I already got.

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