And this one might still have something left in the tank! This ain’t no Bruce Smith or Deion Sanders. He could be a Dana Stubblefield and a half! You’ve finally figured this football thing out, Danny you sly old tree-chopping dog!

Dipshit Redskins Fans: HAIL TO THE REDSKINS! HAIL VICTORY! BRAVES ON THE WARPATH! FIGHT FOR OL’ LARGO, MARYLAND!

Jason Taylor, the last component we need to improve from a 9-7 team that loses in the first round to a 10-6 team that loses in the first round! But we’ll do it as a 5-seed this year!

HEY! I’VE ALREADY GOT A TAYLOR JERSEY FROM LAST YEAR! DON’T EVEN NEED TO THROW THAT ONE OUT!

Update: Just in case that’s not enough Raljon-based obnoxiousness, the Dead Tree Crew was out with traffic cone beer bongs at the opening day of training camp. (courtesy a bald blogger at some bullshit newsrag)

Red Zebra accountant: Mr. Snyder, if I may have a moment…

Dan Snyder: Yeah, sure, what is it?

Nameless Yes Man: We’re very busy.

RZ: Mr. Snyder, I must warn you that we are woefully overbudget with this project.

DS: What budget? I’m producing, marketing and distributing this movie myself.

NYM: We got final cut and shit.

RZ: That may be true, sir, but you are certainly making some unnecessary expenitures.

DS: Such as?

RZ: Sir, you paid Anna Paquin $6 million NOT to appear in the movie.

DS: I didn’t want that minx nosing around the set.

NYM: Rogue had a bad accent. Er, I mean, Rogue is bad news.

RZ: You’ve cast three different actresses for the leading role, paying each $20 million and interchanging them on different days of shooting.

DS: I’m trying some artsy shit. It worked for Luis Bunuel, right?

RZ: One of them is Elizabeth Taylor.

DS: Yeah, so? Isn’t she an acclaimed actress of immense talent? She’s won two Oscars. Good is good is always good.

RZ: She hasn’t appeared in a movie in 13 years and that was the live action Flintstones movie. She’s an incoherent, bloated husk of her former self.

DS: We can fix all this in post-production.

RZ: Another is Adam Archuleta in a weave.

DS: I had to get something out of that asshole.

RZ: Sir, you’re filming a heist flick inside Fort Knox perpetrated by the Olympic ski team, a band of horny high school friends and a serial killer.

DS: But our focus groups show…

RZ: And the movie ends with 10 minutes of stock footage of air shows.

DS: That stock footage cost me a ton. Expensive means good, right? I put stock in my footage.

RZ: ….

DS: With a dry, cool wit like that I could be an action hero.

RZ: What?

DS: Huh?

RZ: We also have the matter of this zeppelin that you also invested millions in.

DS: We have this awesome scene where it crashes into a forest.

NYM: People love ‘splosions. BOOM! ‘SPLOSION!

DS: And the spreading flames kill a bunch of cheapskates walking from a free parking lot to a stadium.

RZ: And how to you propose to fit all that into the plot? The entire movie takes place inside Fort Knox.

DS: Some character can be standing by a window when the zeppelin explodes.

NYM: Totally seamless.

RZ: Fine. It’s your movie. But I would strongly advise you to do something about the title.

DS: What’s wrong with “Mexican Standoff at Tarbaby Hill”?

NYM: We already made the lunch boxes.

RZ: I think we run the risk of offending some key demos.

DS: People don’t like hills, do they? I knew I should have made it Tarbaby Flats!

RZ: Can I just get my check now?