The following is the winning entry in the tip contest for The Football Fan’s Manifesto (here’s an interview I did about the book for The New York Times’ Fifth Down Blog). The winner has been sent a list of my Steelers gear (crusty underwear being possibly too flammable has been left off), from which he will choose something for me to destroy and I will post the video of that on the blog closer toward the time of the release of the book, you bloodthirsty jackal bastards. Anyway, here’s the winner Thalas’ entry.

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HarperCollins asked me to come up with a video to help promote my football-themed compendium of lazy dick jokery, so I came up with an idea that would best entertain me. Then someone suggested one that might actually be fun to watch and the results are above. If the potential use of a book as a humiliating projectile translates to sales, I’m in for mega tycoon wash for weeks and weeks.

UPDATE: Now with correct spelling!

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A REARMINDER TO ASS US SEXBAG QUESTIONS. For instance, how could someone get a best and worst ass list so horribly wrong? This week’s author, Ufford, has another lady in mind and will be glad to tell you about it. So back those questions on in this-ah way.

While we’re dishing out reminders, the “Get Christmas Ape to Burn His Steelers Stuff-slash-Win Free Copies of His Book” contest is going on through the end of July. So continue sending on funny Photoshops, videos, tips, anecdotes, stories, nude picture of attractive female friends. I’ll announce the winners the first week of August. We’ve had some decent entries thus far, but I’m confident in saying the contest is still wide open (it’s like your mom in that respect).

That there is the front and back cover of my upcoming book, “The Football Fan’s Manifesto”, a clarion call to return fandom to its debauched roots that doubles as an all-encompassing guide to being a sufficiently deranged NFL fan. Drew said HarperCollins gave me the Clive Cussler treatment, but I’d argue that they went as far as to break out the Transformers font for me. Either way, I think it looks pretty badass.

As we did with Men With Balls, we’re holding a tip contest for our readers to win copies of the book. Winning entries can be scoops, funny Photoshops, hilarious user created videos, amusing anecdotes of your experience rooting for your team or going to the game, really anything we arbitrarily deem to be worthwhile. Two runners-up will receive a free copy of the book. The winner, of course, will also win a free copy. Plus a special grand prize.

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I exhausted my capacity for whoring “Men With Balls” a while back, save for the ginormous ad to my immediate right. But there’s no way I’m not posting a video review done by some hefty chick who was forced by her boyfriend to read it. Makes the whole book writing process totally worth it. “It’s really quite disgusting.” Sure is, honey.

UPDATE: Video disabled now. CRIMINY!

DAVID M. SHRIBMAN, YOU CAN SUCK MY HAIRY BALLS. “Your athletic cup is either half full or half empty. That’s my line, and infantile as it is, it’s better than most in this book.” I’ll be the judge of your one-liners, cuntrubber. I FIND YOUR REVIEW SIGNIFICANTLY LACKING IN ADEQUATE PRAISE!

DREW FORCES HIMSELF ON THE WWL: The gayest virtual book tour of all time makes a stop with this guest column at ESPNtheMag.com. Oddly enough, the Worldwide Leader frowns on phrases like “pussy clamp” in their columns. Chances that virtually every ESPN.com commenter takes this column literally? I’d say a million percent.

Hey kids. Do you like shaky camera work? And big fat men mangling their words? And Microsoft Powerpoint? Oh, well do I ever have a treat for you. Yes, it’s the video from last week’s Varsity Letters Men With Balls reading. Featuring a surprise appearance from Nazi Shark, and bonus sexual positions for Will Leitch and Buzz Bissinger. Start at the 1:30 mark if you want to get past all the intro crap. Special thanks to Carl Bialik at Gelf magazine for putting this together. You can see vids from the rest of the night here. I suggest you have Dramamine handy if you plan on watching this in its entirety.

TOMORROW NIGHT’S MWB READING AND BOOZEKAKKE: Okay, tomorrow night at 7PM there’ll be a reading for Men With Balls at the Tysons Corner Borders store. The address is 8027 Leesburg Pike in Vienna. There’s an On the Border restaurant nearby where we can all grab some beers at afterwards. So come one, come all. Brave the nation’s worst traffic to hear a fat guy read aloud from a book! Whee!

My publisher is too cheap to pay for an actual book tour. Apparently, spending $1,000 to fly a fat man into a city and letting him expense dinner doesn’t match the revenue generated by selling three books in a suburban Barnes & Noble.

So I’ll be pimping this book the only way I know how… by making dick jokes anywhere and everywhere I can. The BDD Virtual Tour begins today with a guest column over at Florio’s Pro Football Talk. I’ll also be doing a special guest post today over at movie site Pajiba.

Tomorrow I’ll be taking over at With Leather for the entire day. Then Deadspin on Thursday. Then MJD’s Shutdown Corner at Yahoo on Halloween. Then special columns over at Every Day Should Be Saturday and at ESPN.com next week (right into the belly of the beast!). It’s just like a real book tour, only you don’t have to do anything, and I get to make dick jokes all day long. I think it’s quite an improvement. Enjoy.