I had five quotes on my gay little yearbook page. Here they are:

So many idiots, so few bullets. –Andrew Dice Clay

Not as edgy as I used to think it was.

90% of everything is crap. –Roger Ebert

Roger Ebert didn’t actually say this quote. Some guy named Theodore Sturgeon did. Up that percentage to 100% when discussing electroclash records.

Do one thing and do it better than anyone –Orville Redenbacher

This is the only one I kinda like.

Random Joe Paterno Quote

I’m not even a Penn State fan. I have no clue why I included this.

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We’re in the slowest stretch of the offseason now: the dreaded post-draft period. There’s no football on, and there won’t be football on for quite some time. You’re angry. You’re hateful. We understand. At KSK, we’re hateful too. Of all things, at all times. Hating is what we do best. So, in that spirit, we present you with the weekly off-topic/offseason feature…

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When we last left sign-adhering cum landfill Peter King, he was recommending a book written by his close friends (you know the Normans, don’t you? Delightful people. We had a party with them, the Whiteleys, and the Bowers last week!) and arranging “tweetups” (his word) all across this lofty country of ours.

And now, we have arrived at Peter’s final column before his month-long vacation. Stupid growing popularity of the NFL. Twenty years ago, Peter’s vacation lasted FIVE months! Now he has to WORK! Maybe even use his CAR! But fear not, dear KSK readers. For Peter reveals this week that SI.com will be using guest MMQB editors for the next month, whom we shall also cruelly mock (starting in two weeks. I need a rest from this man’s column, as do we all.) In the meantime, what new things will our favorite doucherocket learn this week? Will the smell of a Potbelly sandwich shop make him feel like he’s really in Bavaria? And what does droppinaduece think of all this? Read on…

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I wrote a Father’s Day post at my old blog FKS that I enjoy reposting every Father’s Day as an annual tradition. So here it is. Enjoy. And for you folks who enjoyed the old FKS blog, stay tuned. I might some have good news for you.

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I’ve been saving the gay draft for a rainy day. And, since it’s rained for 3,490 consecutive days now, it seems like it’s about time. I’m assuming many of you will elect to not participate in this draft, and that’s okay. Because the reason I’m posting the gay draft today is to tell you this story:

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In an effort to establish better rapport with his teammate, Bengals wideout Chad Ochocinco decides to take the drastic step of moving into the home of quarterback Carson Palmer, in a spirited attempt to get the two men to understand one another.

Carson: Honey? Honey?! I’m going to the store. Do you have anything you need me to add to the Honey Do list? It says we need berries, but it doesn’t specify what kind. Do I just get whatever’s on sale? Honey?

(doorbell rings)

Hmm. I wasn’t expecting any visitors today.

(door flies open)

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We’re in the slowest stretch of the offseason now: the dreaded post-draft period. There’s no football on, and there won’t be football on for quite some time. You’re angry. You’re hateful. We understand. At KSK, we’re hateful too. Of all things, at all times. Hating is what we do best. So, in that spirit, I’d like to present you with our new off-topic (or on-topic this week) offseason feature…

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When we last left record-setting piece of saltwater douchetaffy Peter King, he was celebrating 20 years of bitching about airport auto flushes, droning on and on about a college baseball game you don’t care about, and comparing the unparalleled experience of traveling through Italy to the inside of a Peet’s. No doubt hanging out in Panera is JUST like holding court in a Parisian boulangerie.

But this week, we have an MMQB column that is filled to the brim with pure douchosity. It’s a mammoth douching, as if a meteor made of vinegar crashed into the Black Sea. Let’s splash right in…

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I attended two colleges: University of Michigan (for a single semester) and Colby College (for the rest). I had a decent time at school, but I wouldn’t say college was the mass baby oil orgy I had been promised in the brochure. We can’t all attend HOLY FACKIN’ CRAWSS, you know.

To that end, let’s have a do-over. You’re picking your dream college this week. Maybe it’s one you wish you had gone to. Maybe it’s one you hope to go to in the near future. Regardless, I suggest you follow Bill Simmons’ advice and forsake academic pedigree for favorable climate and above average female talent. My pick? U. Florida.

/looks at above picture

Yep, I made a terrible, terrible mistake in real life. Yours in the comments. Pick a school. REAL COLLEGES ONLY. Please wait 10 picks before picking again.

We’re in the slowest stretch of the offseason now: the dreaded post-draft period. There’s no football on, and there won’t be football on for quite some time. You’re angry. You’re hateful. We understand. At KSK, we’re hateful too. Of all things, at all times. Hating is what we do best. So, in that spirit, I’d like to present you with our new off-topic offseason feature…

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