[Jacked Up Tavern, parts unknown]

Jack Tatum: Lotsa laughter coming from you two clucking hens. What’s so damn funny?

Kimo von Oelhoffen: Just shootin’ it, Jack. Don’t worry your pretty little head and keep the drinks coming. But, yeah, I think we got a crazy one on our hands here.

Jack Tatum: Yeah?

Kimo von Oelhoffen: Guy tried to take out his own quarterback in practice. HIS OWN GUY! THE STARTER! That’s cold-blooded, kid. I mean, you already got Brady. That alone is enough to earn free drinks here for life. But your own guy? Shoot, it’s like you’re trying to make all of us look bad.

Bernard Pollard: Ha, should’ve seen that bitch’s face. “Ahhhh! What’re you doing! It’s just practice, mannnnn!” [Laughs, takes a shot] Boy done shat he drawers. [Makes farting sound, laughs again] Don’t know what he so worried about. Already got his fat-ass contract for one year of sucking Belichick’s dick. Acts like he actually has a career to ruin.

Kimo von Oelhoffen: Still, I gotta give it to you for even going for that score.

Bernard Pollard: Pfft. Ain’t no thang.

[Door flies open]

(more…)

When someone has (not unexpectedly) already tried to capitalize on the newfound fame of Brady bounty killer and SEAN TAYLOR MEMORIAL MEAST OF THE WEEK Bernard Pollard.

It’s a must-buy for any Patriots hater who has looked to diversify their wardrobe beyond the six different 18-1 shirts they’ve acquired over the last seven months. Or buy one for a Pats fan. They’re going to need a find another bandwagon in short order.