Cleveland Browns fan John Thompson, better known by his nom de fatass “Big Dawg”, has apparently reached a settlement with “Madden NFL” manufacturer Electronic Arts. Thompson, the living embodiment of every negative Cleveland stereotype, sued EA over its use of his likeness (i.e. husky man in a dog mask) in their video games. Congratulations, sir, hopefully the settlement will cover your fines, legal fees and court costs in your OTHER legal matter. [makes "drinky, drinky motion ] If you have a few minutes, you owe it to yourself to cruise the comments in that cleveland.com article. [Thanks to miamidiesel for the link.]

Now a look at a god-awful crop of early games…

What if I told you that the only watchable game among the 1pm slate involved the Cincinnati Bengals. Is that something you would be interested in?

Cincinnati at Baltimore—Two 3-1 teams battling for first place in the AFC North yet Ochocinco has managed to hijack the buzz for himself. Ray Lewis shouldn’t have to worry about roughing the passer penalties this week since the league doesn’t care about Carson Palmer’s knees. At least Lewis will get to watch a premier pass rusher in action this week– Antwan Odom.

Minnesota at St. Louis—I wonder if Brett Favre and prospective Rams’ owner Rush Limbaugh would trade pill stories? “Sure team doctors are great, but Panamanian housekeepers are clutch!!!”

Washington at Carolina—Good new for Jim Zorn. If everyone keeps turning Daniel Snyder down, he’ll HAVE to bring you back.

Oakland at NY Giants—Look for a huge upset in this one. (This prediction brought to you by drinking Jim Beam at 10am.)

Tampa Bay at Philadelphia—It doesn’t seem fair that Philly has three quarterbacks while the hapless Bucs have none. Couldn’t Goodell let D-Mac play “all-time quarterback” today? That always worked when I was a kid.

Pittsburgh at Detroit—Matthew Stafford is out this week with a bum knee. This could be Daunte Culpepper’s big chance to show the league he still has what it ta—. Naw, just yanking your chain, he’s gonna get killed out there today.

Dallas at Kansas City—Would be the grand marshal of the shitshow parade, if it wasn’t for…

Cleveland at Buffalo—People in this country are going through hard times. Unemployment and high interest rates abound. On the weekend, they need an escape from the drudgery of their workaday lives. They shouldn’t have to be subjected to games like this. Hopefully broadcast of this game is limited to the Lake Erie area.

Enjoy the games, Ape will be around later for the 4pm tilt.