I’m sorry, Jay Cutler, that your toughness came into question while we were getting our asses handed to us by the Packers on Sunday. You had a Grade II sprain of your medial colateral ligament, which is the ligament that the banks take away when you don’t pay your medials on time. Are you having money problems, Jay? I’m always here to help you out, buddy. Look, there’s an ATM right over there.

Little did you realize, Jay Cutler, that as you stood on the sideline in the second half that members of your football fraternity would say mean things about you on the internet. I just want you to know that I would never have done such a thing, since it’s against league rules to tweet during games. I don’t understand how they could have said things about you like I might have done 18 months ago. I can say those things because we’re like a family, so it’s different. We’re a football family, with black babies and white babies. And when the babies misbehave or get too old, they’re killed. Babies don’t live forever, Jay.

I want you to know, Jay Cutler, that you are the toughest quarterback I have ever played with. That’s right. Tougher than Rex Grossman. Tougher than that guy with the beard. Tougher than Cade McNown. And yes, tougher than even the great Craig Krenzel. You are tougher than all of them, Jay, though I’m pretty sure Brad Maynard would own you in a barfight.

So I guess…have a good offseason, man. Try not to take any stairs or anything.

Fast Facts About The Bears:

As part of a dare during the offseason, Brad Maynard successfully punted an aborted pig fetus through a stained glass window of the Chicago Loop Synagogue, while standing at the corner of West Madison Street and North Dearborn. Maynard won $20 and eternal damnation in the afterlife.

Fourth-year Lousaka Polite often interrupts people during conversations, and is prone to calling up old friends during his nights out at movie theatres and restaurants.

Defensive tackle Israel Idonije played his college football at the University of Manitoba. Idonije takes it upon himself to support his parents still living in Canada, as he sends them an extra down after each game.

RB Quadtrine Hill was accidently placed on injured reserve when team officials mistakenly filled his name in for another player’s debilitation, only to realize the gaffe when NFL brass rejected the report of DE Daniel Bazuin suffering from a “strained quadtrine.”

As part of last spring’s St. Patrick’s Day festivities, a six-way “Irish Death Match” was scheduled featuring the team of Darrell McClover, Brandon McGowan, and John St. Clair pitted against Mike Brown, Alex Brown, and Ruben Brown. The match resulted in a count-out in favor of the Browns, when St. Clair, the legal man in the ring, gave chase to a heckler who had spent the balance of the match screaming “JOHN STREET CLAIR!”

2007 Projected Record: 11-5, First, NFC North.

2007 Acutal Record: 8-2-6, NFC Wild Card.

Thoughts On The Bears, In Haiku Form

This week, we’re holding the first annual KsK Kares Charity Drive for Fisher House, which supports disabled veterans and their families. You can donate directly to FH here.