Many have often wondered what would happen when you combined the urban camo-clad fucktards from Baltimore with the the dipshits who bother to vote (some 75k times) in ESPN’s inane Sports Nation polls. Well now we know that the answer is rampant dumbfuckery of the highest order.

The WWL recently asked fans to vote for the greatest player in their franchise’s history, and this is what the results look like for the Ravens…

Yeah, the fucking kicker. Those Natty Boh swilling, scrotum sniffing assholes picked some lily white piece of shit as their most accomplished football player because he was able to provide points when Trent Dilfer couldn’t get the ball inside the twenty.

Now Stover was pretty damn good for a little Greek kicker, but even Stefan Fatsis has to be blown away by the overwhelming retardation of this poll result (I’d ask him, but he’s busy standing next to his book display at Kramer’s while trying to look nonchalant desperately waiting to say “Why yes, I am Stefan Fatsis!”).

Don’t you assholes realize that Jonathan Ogden is quite possibly the second best tackle (Munoz) in the history of football? Have you already forgotten that he was the first player your sorry relocated franchise ever drafted en route to 11 consecutive Pro Bowls?

So please explain to me how this man can only garner 4.4% of your vote while a fucking kicker racked up better than half of the total. Unless of course you’re just ruling out Ogden because he’s a brother from DC. Because I think everyone expects a bit more from the city of Baltimore.

What’s that? They don’t? Yeah, probably not.

The top two seeds in the AFC last season are barely hanging onto faint playoff hopes with only a few weeks remaining in the regular season. When heads eventually roll, they’ll probably bear the visages of these two clowns. Likely, incompetence will emerge Hydra-like from the stumps. In the meantime, we can find out who’ll be king of the unemployment line in the offseason. WHO YA GOT?

As SBXLI 1/2 occupies all discourse, both rational and Easterbrookian, this week, a few other somewhat compelling matches are getting the short shrift. Among them is a battle for the AFC North in which I have absolutely no emotion invested. No, I don’t hate Baltimore at all. I hear it’s a wonderful city to get murdered in. 500 some odd people a year can’t be wrong. So, WHO YA GOT?

Proof of divine connection: from a murder arrest
to walking away with a humble.

God, the omnipotent, all-knowing supreme being of all creation this week proclaimed Brian Billick’s call of three straight pass plays in short yardage situations to be “some bullshit, man.” These words were conveyed through the Lord’s chosen spokesman to mankind, Ravens’ linebacker Ray Lewis. In an address to his faithful, God, who in his eternal wisdom, has seen fit to deliver his blessed word via medium frequency Towson, Maryland sports radio, went on to describe the Raven’s record thus far to be “straight-up bullshit.”

Despite being able to commune directly with the hearts and minds of all living creatures though the power of the Holy Spirit, God chose to express his proclamations through the vessel that is a rapidly-deteriorating linebacker prone to lawless behavior. Former Raven Adalius Thomas has characterized the team as having a “me-first” locker room. The Almighty-through-Lewis called these comment, “just mo’ bullshit, y’all.”

When long-time listener, first time-blaspheming heretic “Barry from Dundalk” suggested that God should consider the shaky pass coverage of corner Corey Ivy, a perturbed Yahweh/Allah/Vishnu/Jah made it clear that he “ain’t even trying to hear that bullshit, man.” The Creator chastised Barry, whose soul had just been rendered forfeit for eternity, and reminded him that He “would go upside that head wit’ a quickness.”

The Word of the Almighty can be heard at 1300 on your AM dial, Monday afternoons between the Stephen A. Smith Show and “B-more Sports Nutz Weekly”.