Via.

 
Welcome to the Friday Five, our unimaginatively-named Friday afternoon post where we provide you with five things the KSK staff is looking forward to this coming weekend….

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Much to the consternation of their fiery Latino fan-base, the Dallas Cowboys have seen disparate results in their four games this season. Before practice yesterday, quarterback Tony Romo admitted that what many see as a dream job can be vexing at times:

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Former Super Bowl hero Plaxico Burress was reportedly met by a number of jeers and catcalls from fellow inmates when he was taken to Riker’s Island prison to begin serving his sentence for weapons violations. This isn’t too surprising considering Burress’ notoriety and the high-profile criminal case against him. KSK has more than a few readers inside NYC’s “sixth borough” and they shared some of the comments directed toward Burress yesterday.

“You’re a dead man. This is the world’s largest concentration of Jets fans.”

“Any man who drops a pass spends a night in the box.”

“The Michigan State Alumni Group meets on Tuesdays at 2:45, near the basketball courts.”

“I must admit I didn’t think much of Plaxico first time I laid eyes on him. He might’a been important on the outside, but in here he was just a little turd in prison grays. Looked like a stiff breeze could blow him over. That was my first impression of the man.”

“Charlatan!!!”

“Don’t worry, you can still make regular visits to LQ. Locked-up Queens, that is!”

Come on Jerry, surely you can find these girls outfits befitting a cage dancer.

Much has been made of the many eye-opening features at the new Cowboys Stadium, and rightly so. I thought we’d already seen everything the stadium had to offer, and then we were treated to the cage dancers. That development got us wondering what other features Jerry Jones tried to cram into the stadium. After a little bit of digging we managed to come up with a list of proposed stadium features that didn’t make the cut for a variety of reasons.

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It cost a billion dollars. It will stand for centuries. It will inspire children to grow into succesful adults. It will cure your erectile dysfunction. It will make you a sandwich while you watch reruns of Night Court.

NBC wasn’t satisfied with their preseason mouth-party for the Cowboy’s new stadium, so we get round two tonight. What the networks haven’t figured out yet is that no one outside of fans of Latin America’s team gives a rat’s ass about a new stadium. So prepare yourself for the onslaught of useless information about Jerral Jones’ monument to his own ego. (”Y’know Al, this stadium has enough square footage to hold 4.5 trillion extra-wide magenta neckties. That’s enough to keep Keyshawn Johnson looking like a foppish prick until the sun collapses into a singularity.”)

A crowd of over 100,000 is expected tonight, however most of them will be so far away that the echos of the cheers aren’t expected to reach the field until sometime Tuesday morning. That’s not to say that Dallas won’t enjoy a home-field advantage, as Eli Manning is known to be distracted by shiny objects.

Feel free to put all of your insightful observations in the comments below. Unless, of course, you’d rather spend the evening preparing baked goods.

After signing perennial ne’er-do-well Pacman Jones, Winnipeg of the CFL is negotiating to add former Lions first-round bust Charles Rogers to their roster. Rogers will be sorely disappointed when he realizes a Blue Bomber is not a 3-foot bong.

Ice Cube is making a documentary about the Los Angeles Raiders. The old Oakland Raiders were like the original Friday. The L.A. Raiders were like “Straight Outta Compton”. The current Oakland Raiders are like Are We There Yet?

Ricky Williams is going to retire after next season. He’s going to finally do what’s he talked about for years– really get out and see America. He’s saved up for a Winnebago. He and Barbara are counting down the days. Driving west and to spend two weeks with the grandkids in Downer’s Grove, Illinois before making their way out to the Grand Canyon. Maybe stop a night or two in Branson, who knows? They’re gonna see how many Cracker Barrels they can visit along the way. Bar is just crazy for those Goo Goo Cluster they sell there, don’t you know.

Could Jamal Lewis be on the verge of Dumpsville in Cleveland? Wonder which was worse: four months in prison or two seasons in Cleveland?

[ via Winnipeg Sun, NBC Chicago, Fox Sports, Waiting For Next Year ]

…so far it’s not working.

 

[ Shaub image via F Juice ]

Did you hear that Jerry Jones built a gargantuan $1.15 billion shrine to football and decadence? Because he did, and he wants everyone to know how GODDAMN HUGE it is. Needless to say, Dan Snyder will take this shirt as an affront to his stature and he’ll be even more eager to build a shiny new monstrosity of his own. [NBC DFW]

Tom is excused from the sixth rule of Fight Club.

Fresh off his knockout victory over defensive assistant coach Randy Hanson, head coach Tom Cable is eager to make the next step up the coachfight contender ladder. But that doesn’t mean Cable is about to let success go to his head. “Sure, a decisive victory is always great, “ he said, “but I can’t get cocky—this guy [Hanson] is just a low-level assistant; not even a position coach.”
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An anonymous reader sent in the following story about Joe Theismann and his supposed antics on a Hawaiian golf course. We can’t vouch for its authenticity, but it’s a good read nonetheless….

Here’s a story you guys might enjoy. This happened 9 years ago:

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