If you know anything about us, you knew this was inevitable. The only thing that could have made it better is if they got audio of Favre snarling like a pig.

I don’t know if you know this, but a lot of football games are not broadcast at actual speed, so as to cram the full action into its advertiser convenient allotted time. We here at KSK have obtained the raw feed of last night’s Chargers-Chiefs game and will show you the altered footage of Philip Rivers’ 3rd down and goal pass on the Chargers final drive, followed by the actual unaltered action. See if you can spot the difference.

Music, of course, is added for effect. And juvenile humor.

“That…sweet…sweet…can.”

Shame there wasn’t a clock in the background.

It’s hardly a revelation that predictive football discussion this time of year is based almost entirely on guesswork and bullshit. Or that watching an ESPN program at any point in time is detrimental to your acceptance in an ongoing human race. But in the case of this exchange during the Jets-Giants pregame show, I believe Mort has actually lowered our species’ standing in the world. Like, wild animals will show up at our homes and either kill us outright or simply evict us. Should we object, they will only have to make reference to this clip. Sure, animals lead lives largely devoid of purpose beyond eating, sleeping and screwing (already an advantage). Many of them eat their own shit and maybe even their young. But did they produce anything so asinine? I think not. And thus will humanity abandon all that it has built, conceding it to other, superior lifeforms. We will then lurch sullenly and shamefully until each of us finds a rock of his or her own. We will lie dolefully and silently on our rocks until we greeted by death and we will be glad to have it.

Other football teams charge an arm and a leg for top-flight receivers, but not at Steelers, where you can get a top-of-the-line name brand wideout for almost a third of what the other guys ask for.

Simple. Savings. Steelers.

Before we name our Meast and Least of Super Bowl XLIV, allow us to bestow the first-ever Larry Fitzgerald Memorial Honorary Meast of the Playoffs on – who else? – Tracy Porter, who singlehandedly saved a grateful nation from a Favre Super Bowl appearance and a second Fetushead championship. It is silly for us to think we could pay tribute to Porter commensurate with his deeds, but we have tried with the video above. Felicitations, good sir. We are forever in your debt.

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Gisele Bündchen sat down for a revealing interview with Vanity Fair, and the super model was not shy about her feelings for her step-son, John.

I understand that he has a mom, and I respect that, but to me it’s not like because somebody else delivered him, that’s not my child. I feel it is, 100 percent. I want him to have a great relationship with his mom, because that’s important, but I love him the same way as if he were mine.

Continue after the jump for Bridget Moynahan’s impassioned response to Gisele’s comments.

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