Inspiration on occasion strikes, lightning in a bottle-like, those utterly devoid of talent and/or shame. Even repugnant hacks who spew hackneyed product designed for mass consumption strike gold once in a while on something that is both an artistic and commercial success. These works are as frustrating as they are rewarding, coming as they do from people who stumbled upon greatness, almost despite what they set out to do. Or maybe they just generally suck and got lucky. It’s a reminder of the capricious nature of inspiration in art. And it’s these fluky works of greatness that spring from the seed of fuckwittery that you are identifying in this draft. You’re looking for a memorably good movie, song, album, performance, book, painting, etc. from an otherwise lackluster or forgettable body of work.

My first pick is “30 Rock”. The artist: Tina Fey

There are more outrageous examples of hacks striking gold, but this one is particularly knotty for me, as it’s been difficult for me to reconcile my admiration of this show with my distaste for Tina Fey. Fey’s reign as the head writer for SNL presided over some of the worst years of the show. She was incredibly obnoxious on the Weekend Update desk, where she would get bubbly and high five Amy Poehler after all the jokes. It was grating. What made it worse were the scores of media profiles extolling her job as anchor and lead writer, glossing over the generally horrible quality of the shows. That treatment followed into her other projects. Mean Girls, however uninteresting, was generally well received and a box office success – though in a country where Night at the Museum 2 pulls in $70-plus million in a weekend. I’ve never seen Baby Mama and probably don’t need to. Recently, Fey got heaps of praise for the Sarah Palin character during the election, but has there ever been lower hanging fruit in comedy? I mean, people were already saying the Palin and Fey looked alike before one sketch was ever produced. The association was there, people just needed it to be actualized. That’s not to say Tina didn’t get the impression down, it was sound, but it hardly warranted the overwhelming pan-pop-cultural recognition.

But “30 Rock”. Ouf. It’s very, very good and only so much of that can I explain away with Alec Baldwin’s and Tracy Morgan’s genius on the show. Not as much as I would like. Bottom line, the show is very well written, and Fey deserves a lot of credit for that. And, Fey, after all, is the creator and star as well. A friend of mine and I are vocal in our dislike of Tina Fey, but we’re both dumbstruck and quiet on the subject of “30 Rock”. We just have to shrug and give her her due.

JEERS to whoever the fuck “boo’ed” my house the other night. I don’t know if you’ve you heard of this new, excruciating Halloween trend, but allow me to explain. Someone leaves a small bag of goodies on your doorstep, then rings the doorbell and runs away. Then you open the bag and inside is a piece of paper that says:

BOO!

Make 2 copies of this sheet, then make two new goodie bags. Place the sheets inside the bags and get in on the fun by booing two MORE houses!

Jesus. Fucking. Christ.

You know, I already have to buy candy for Halloween. Now I have to make fucking party favors with a chain letter tucked inside? To whoever invented this idea: FUCK YOU IN THE PUMPKIN HOLE. I hope you slice your own hand off while carving your fucking jack-o-lantern.

There are some people out there who are WAYYY too fucking jazzed about Halloween. They put cobwebs in their bushes, and fog machines outside their doors, and now they apparently are placing mysterious bags on my doorstep filled with useless crap. And demanding I make photocopies. I’M NOT COPYING SHIT. Fuck those people. I’m handing out cock tacos for Halloween this year.

CHEERS to pad thai. With your delightful mound of crushed peanuts and pan-fried noodles, you are a lunch like no other. I know full well Thai restaurant owners must fume when everyone orders this shit, instead of something more authentic. But who can resist such a delight? No one, that’s who.

JEERS to Seth Meyers. I heard Meyers being interviewed on the Simmons podcast the other day, and I swear it was as if Simmons was talking to a fucking lawyer for 30 minutes. How the fuck did this guy ascend to head writer of SNL? Is he someone’s nephew? Is there some sort of comedy writing cabal that only requires you be a Red Sox fan as a prerequisite to join?

Meyers strikes me as the type of guy who will spend 45 minutes talking about what makes something funny, instead of just BEING funny. And I fucking hate people like that. This guy should be working at a fucking bank, or a lobbying firm. He shouldn’t be hosting “Weekend Update”. Would it kill SNL to hire an actual fucking comedian for that role? Jesus.

CHEERS to “Religulous”. Now THAT is some fucking funny shit. You got Bill Maher getting a goodbye hug from a minister who is a “former homosexual” and asking him, “Hey, you didn’t get a fucking hardon just now, did you?”

I liked this flick because it had a firm point of view about organized religion, which would be that organized religion is a nothing more than a bunch of contrived bullshit. It doesn’t bother being all PC and nice and trying to see the other side of the argument. It’s just, “Anyone who claims they know definitively what God is or what he wants out of us, or that he even exists, is a liar and fucking asshole.” Amen to that, brutha.

JEERS to the Steven M. Fanale of Danvers, Massachusetts. Reader Kyle D. points us to perhaps the most deluded and self-aggrandizing Red Sox fan in world history, which is saying a lot. Check out some of the comments Mr. Fanale has left around the interwebs:

I HAVE BEEN DOWN THIS ROAD BEFORE AND BELIEVE ME THIS IS THE PERFECT SITUATION FOR THE RED SOX. THEY WILL NOT ONLY DEFEAT THE TAMPA BAY RAYS BUT THEY WILL GO ON TO WIN THE WORLD SERIES AS WELL. WHEN THE SERIES WAS TIED AT A GAME APIECE THE TEAM THAT WON THE NEXT TWO GAMES WHICH IN THIS CASE WAS TAMPA BAY LOST THE NEXT THREE BECAUSE THEY RAN OUT OF GAS. I AM CONIVNCED THAT THE RED SOX WILL WIN A CLOSE ONE AT FENWAY ON THURSDAY NIGHT AND THEN BEAT THE TAMPA BAY RAYS ON SATURDAY AND SUNDAY. IT WILL NOT BE EASY BUT THE SOX WILL DO IT. I KNOW THAT THEY WILL. TRUST ME, I HAVE DONE IT AS WELL AND I KNOW HOW TO DO IT. THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS NEVER GIVE UP AND NEVER PANICK. A CRISIS SITUATION WILL BRING OUT THE BEST IN THE RED SOX AND THEIR FANS KNOW IT. SO SIT BACK AND RELAX AND WATCH THE DRAMA UNFOLD BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES.
STEVEN M.FANALE

“I have done it as well”? But wait! It gets douchier:

If you want to remain World Champions then you should up the offer to Mike Lowell to four years at between 15-20 million dollars a year. Screw the brass! You have the money and you do need Mike Lowell at third base. Call him right now and make the deal. Look at this way we can pay it. Besides if you want to remain a the top then you better spend the money for the right people. I would in your shoes do it because with Mike Lowell you would not have your second world series ring on your hand. I STRONLY URGE YOU TO DO THIS! YOU WILL NOT BE SORRY YOU SPENT THE MONEY ON MIKE, HE WILL CONTINUE TO PRODUCE FOR YOU FOR MANY YEARS TO COME. SO SIGN HIM, THEO. IF YOU NEED TO CONTACT ME YOU CAN REACH ME AT MY HOME PHONE AT (978) 774-5744 OR ON MY CELL PHONE AT (978) 590-9810 AT ANYTIME. THANK YOU
STEVEN M.FANALE

Bonus points to the first KSK reader who calls Mr. Fanale, pretending to be Theo Epstein, and telling him what a great idea he had. Bonus points if you offer him a job on the spot. (UPDATE: Some of you actually did call this guy. Please don’t do that again, lest we finally get sued somehow.) Oh, Steven. You clueless, clueless man. Goddamn Rays. They were two innings away from putting morons like this to bed for the winter.

CHEERS to the new Freedarko book. I don’t really like the NBA. But that doesn’t matter, because this book has lots of pretty pictures and charts. That’s my kinda book.

JEERS to taking so long to get to Monica Belucci, Heather Kozar, Pam Anderson, Amanda Lexx, and Sydney Moon on a Sexy Friday. JUMP INTO BONERLAND.