Int. Tenjune (the Meatpacking District)

(Beyonce’s Single Ladies blares over the speakers)

Abby: Oh I love this song! Come on Eli, let’s dance.

Elisha: I don’t like dancing, besides, I don’t want to leave Moishe all alone, he gets scared.

Brandon Jacobs: [pulls Eli aside] Hey man, cut out that Moishe shit. Get out there and dance with that fine ass bitch of yours before I step in and plow that.

Elisha: My what ass what?

Brandon: Your wife, Eli. Go dance with your wife.

Elisha: Fine, just let me ask the DJ man to put on some dance music.

Brandon: [looks confused, runs through load-bearing wall, stashes gun] Whatever.

Elisha: [approaches DJ booth] Excuse me, Mr. DJ man. MR. DJ MAN?!

DJ: [emerges from underneath tables] Yo, what up my MVP?

Elisha: What do you say we get an old fashioned line dance going on in here?

DJ: Sorry bro, I just finished off my stash, but if you need some coke the bouncer can hook it up.

Elisha: No I don’t need any Coke, I just scored a Shirley Temple from the waitress.

DJ: [looks confused] So what you want, man?

Elisha: Do you have any Kenny Chesney?

DJ: [doing his best Axel Foley impression] Get the fuck outta here.

Elisha: Yes, sir.

[Elisha walks back to his table]

Abby: What was that all about?

Elisha: Honestly, I have no friggin’ clue.

Abby: So will you dance with me?

Elisha: Sure. But let’s stay close to Moishe.

Abby: You know you can just sit down and I can dance for you.

Elisha: Really? That sounds good.

Abby: [begins gyrating her ass on Elisha's lap] How does that feel, baby?

Elisha: It feels sorta like when I wrestle with Cooper.

Abby: Huh. [begins grinding her ass into Elisha's crotch] And how does this feel?

Elisha: [turns red, begins sweating profusely] Uh…uncomfortable.

Abby: Really? Because it feels like you like it!

Elisha: What do you mean?

Abby: Well either you’re enjoying it or you’ve got a gun tucked into your waistband like Plaxico.

Elisha: NO I DON’T! That’s my periwinkle.

Abby: [whispering in Elisha's ear] Shhhhh. Just sit back and enjoy it.

[Abby turns around and begins dry-humping Eli]

Eli: [face contorts] GNUUUHHHHH!

Abby: Yeah, you like that, baby?

Eli: I MADE A MESS IN MY PANTS!

[a snicker arises from assorted teammates and other nearby patrons]

Abby: Shhh, it’s okay, sweetie.

Eli: No! [pushes Abby to the floor] MOOOOOOOOOOOM! I WANNA GO HOME NOW!

Thanks to Ben for the new nippley picture.