It’s back! No more waiting, no more bullsh!t. Just football and gambling opportunities as far as the eye can see. Now all I need is a friendly neighborhood bookie. I’m still riding high after eclipsing last year’s modest goal of a .500 record. The goal for this year is to up my win percentage, post some funny pictures, and possibly even place some actual bets. Nothing can possibly go wrong. Let’s get straight to it. Follow my advise closely if you want to lose your money slightly slower than you would if you invested it in the stock market.

2010 Final Results: 138-122-7 (8-4 in the playoffs)

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I’m heading out to California for a family wedding this evening. Yes, some people do get married on Super Bowl weekend. I won’t pretend to understand, but it’s family, so I’m going. I’ve never been on the west coast for a Super Bowl, and I’m starting to come around to the idea of a mid-afternoon kickoff. No waiting around all day switching back-and-forth between the various pre-game shows in an effort to avoid Chris Berman and the horrible musical performance FOX has in store for me. Instead I can enjoy a nice leisurely lunch before settling in for the game itself. By the time the game is over I’ll be ready for a burger. I’ll be fat again in no time.

Continue after the jump for the Super Bowl picks.

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Nobody enjoys the bye week. Throwing the Pro Bowl in to the void is meaningless, because nobody has ever sat down to watch the Pro Bowl in its entirety. That’s a fact. OK, maybe it’s more theory than fact. But it’s probably true. And more importantly, it should be true. If you’re looking to fill the void this weekend I suggest getting out of the house. Being near a television on Sunday will just remind you that there is no football to watch.

That being said, it is still Friday, and we still need something to take the edge off of that gambling jones. No matter how hard up you are, do not bet on the Pro Bowl. That’s worse than watching the Pro Bowl. Instead, bet on something even dumber. Super Bowl propositions. They have lousy pay-outs and they’re incredibly stupid, but they can make a boring game/gathering more enjoyable. Let’s take a look at what Bodog is offering up this year.
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Last Week: 3-1
Playoffs: 6-2
Overall: 136-120-7

Today is my final day working in the office where I’ve spent the last five years. My company is moving from its relatively old and dusty offices in Northeast DC to a larger and more sterile atmosphere in Landover, Maryland. At this point we’re a a few bad personnel moves and an offensive nickname away from being the Washington Redskins.

I’ll be spending the day tying up some loose ends, packing up my desk, and mentally preparing myself for the last true NFL Sunday of the year. The Super Bowl is great and all, but that’s just one game. True NFL Sundays require at least six hours of actual football. And no Black Eyed Peas.

And now for the picks…

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Last Week: 3-1
Overall: 133-119-7

The bye weeks are done with, and the pretenders have been sent home. Except for the Seahawks, and the rest of the NFC for that matter. The one match-up that is captivating the media’s attention is the third meeting between the Patriots and that team they always beat. And really, what’s not to love? Sure, the Jets are going to lose, but at least they have the decency to make keep things fun all week.

Naturally, the New York Post is doing their part. The above image appears on the cover of a special insert in this morning’s issue, and it’s spectacular. I’m as far from a Star Wars aficionado as you can get, but even I can appreciate Joe Namath as a drunken Yoda. “To kiss you, I want. Care less about the team strugg-a-ling I could not. Herh herh herh.”

Fortunately one of the Boston dailies was ready to answer in kind when the newsstands opened this morning.
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They see me rollin’. Yesterday I went with both underdogs, and damn it if they didn’t both win outright. Hopefully somebody out there parlayed those two moneylines. Today I’m rolling with the favorites. That means I like Ravens at -3 over the Chiefs, and the Eagles at -2.5 over the Packers. Obviously my hate for Philly is pretty weak these days. I blame my trip to Village Whiskey. That place is a little slice of duck fat fried heaven. With whiskey. [Image]

Last Week: 8-8
Regular Season: 130-118-7

Well that’s a hell of a lot better than I thought I’d do. I picked almost every game this season, and had I actually bet on all of them I might have made a few bucks. I should probably have my own gambling hotline.

Continue after the jump for today’s picks.

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Tax Masters is one of those companies that probably operates on the fringes of legality. If you’re in deep this holiday season, don’t trust some guy who may or may not be Jack McBrayer in a fat suit. Not when you can gamble your problems away.

Continue after the jump for Week 17′s picks.

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Last Week: 6-10
Overall: 114-102-7

Merry Christmas Eve, readers. Hopefully by the time you’re reading this you’ve already enjoyed your first serving of Christmas booze (if your mom skimps on the nutmeg do not hesitate to call her out for it on Monday). A few more of those and perhaps you can even forget Freek’s disturbingly erotic animated gif.

Continue after the jump for a quick look at this week’s picks. I need some magic after last week’s disaster, so feel free to pray for me if you’re one of those people for whom Christmas is a churchgoing affair.

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Last Week: 8-8
Overall: 108-92-7

It’s been a pretty interesting Friday so far. The Shanahans benched Donovan McNabb, which means that the Redskins will UNLEASH THE DRAGON at Cowboys stadium this weekend. Jesus.

On to the picks!

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