Putting together this week’s Meast was more vexing than anticipated. Every time I tried to give the serious contemplation befitting such an esteemed mythical internet award, I was distracted by a stream of troubling questions. Maybe some of them are plaguing you as well:

Do I try to squeeze in three or four rushed, unfulfilling Thanksgiving visits, or make a single quality visit and try to work in everyone else at Christmas?

Should KSK feature more accounts of light-hearted cockplay? Or should we leave that to experts like Chris Cooley?

Where does that little twerp Michael Cera get off thinking he can suddenly big-time all his Arrested Development co-stars? Ungrateful little bastard.

Am I ready to live in a world were a venerable Monday Night theme song crooner suddenly becomes “Senator Bocephus”? If he runs on a populist “Cadillac Pu$$y in every pot” platform, who knows how successful he could be?

(more…)

Nnamdi Asomugha is the best corner in the league. In fact, he makes Champ Bailey look like a steaming pile of puke. The Panthers tested Nnamdi but once last week and he was on that ball like Romeo Crennel on the last loaded potato skin. While not well-known among casual fans, he commands the respect of other teams, having only a dozen or so balls thrown his way this entire season. Excellence like that demands appropriate recognition. Accordingly, Nnamdi Asomugha is your Meast of the Week.

Some of you might be saying to yourselves, “No freakin’ way, the Raiders suck out loud, plus they lost last week.” If you are of that school of thought, I kindly invite you to take a flying fuck at a rolling donut. I’m tired of waiting for the Raiders to stop being inept before I give this award.

It’s hard not to pity Asomugha. He’s the best at what he does, yet he toils in the midst of the Oakland Raider shitshow. In his honor, the KSK gang sought out to recognize other superstars who are surrounded by talentless jackanapes. Feel free to add your own in the comments.

Isolated beacon of talent ——————————- Crap factory they are/were stuck with

Alec Baldwin ———————————————————————— Baldwin bros.
Cris Collinsworth ————— other 37 assclowns in NBC’s “Football Night in America” studio
Andy Samberg —————————————————————- Saturday Night Live
The Nuge ————————————————————————- Damn Yankees
Honey Nut Cheerios ————————————– All the other varieties of Cheerios
Chris Walken ———————————————————————— Suicide Kings
Jack White ————————————————————————- White Stripes
Big Daddy Drew —————————————————————————— KSK
Colin Powell ——————————————————————- Bush administration
Jeremy Piven ——————————————————————– “Entourage” cast