More Seinfeld-Bill Gates wackiness. Let’s hope they got another 15 of these in the can for every week of the NFL season.

I’m keeping the closest eye on the Vikes-Colts, where Pey-Pey has just been picked by Antoine Winfield, who sheds his rep of being the best tackling DB in the league in favor of actually making a good play in coverage.

Sunday Ticket Gamemix seems to be blacked out for me at least for the early games. I’ll just safely assume that’s Dan Snyder at work.

In case the Maj isn’t counting, that’s one more touchdown for Brandon Lloyd with the Bears than the Redskins. Of course, it isn’t a receiving TD.

I turned on the Raiders-Chiefs game for two seconds and JaMarcus ran into the tight end on a hand-off. Serves me right.

Saints driving and Shockey fumbles after getting a first down at the ‘Skins 30. Yeah, he’s got a lot left in the tank.

Pey-Pey’s already got the pissy bench face in Minny.

3:22 left in the first quarter, zero timeouts left for the Redskins. Just remember the retarded ‘Skins mantra: GIBBS STARTED 0-5! GIBBS STARTED 0-5!

Justin Tuck puts on a paw on Bulger’s helmet while being held and Marc collapses to the turf like a millstone.

Jared Allen gets his first sack as a Viking on Pey-Pey on 3rd down around midfield. And, if it weren’t for T-Jack being abysmal, this team would probably be up by a million points.

Elisha, looking for receivers other than Plax, overthrows an open Steve Smith by about 15 yards. Facing the rams, he should have another five or so chances to make that completion later on.

Tony Ugoh heads to the locker room a few minutes before half. With his O-line depleted, all Peyton has to worry about is Addai sputtering and Reggie Wayne making epic drops.

Greg Gumbel and Dan Dierdorf are quite the T-Jack apologists.

The Vikes show a flash of offense for the final 50 seconds of the half. Tarvaris hits a few passes and despite Bobby Wade obviously wanting to kill the clock, Ryan Longwell hits a 53-yarder to extend the Minny lead to 9-0.

And the Lions kick a field goal to close the Packers lead to 21-3 at half! If a grenade goes off in the Green Bay locker room, they might be in this one! (Of course, I have Aaron Rodgers on the bench this week. Fuck me upsidedownways.)

The Rams seem to be having some sort of tent revival at halftime to honor Georgia Frontiere. MARC BULGER, CAN YOU FEEL THE LAWD IN JUSTIN TUCK’S HAND ON YOUR FACEMASK!

I’m facing Drew in one of my three fantasy leagues this week and, of course, he has Purple Jesus, who thus far has 121 yards. Thank goodness the Vikings have yet to discover the uncharted waters of the endzone.

At least three times I’ve heard Billick say what the Saints should do on any given play, then say in an exasperated tone “Well, what do I know?” when they don’t. Fucking douchemaster general in the Douche administration. That’s what he’s made for.

Plaxico fumbles while the lying on the ground. The refs let it go and this’ll probably be overturned I imagine. He only prematurely spikes it when he wants to fumble.

Diefdorf said Tarvaris has “taken a drink of confidence” since the end of the first half, right before the Vikes fail to convert another 3rd down and attempt another field goal. Guess which kicker every fantasy owner will be fighting over this week?

And just as Lane Kiffin is getting the ax, the Raiders have taken a 13-0 lead!

And the goddamn zebras rumph me out of a much-needed Reggie Wayne TD. God, I’m getting vivisected this week.

The Redskins finally get in the endzone, then go for two, whereupon Campbell throws a dart into Jonathan Vilma’s chest. Zorn should probably blow another timeout to let him mull that one over.

I think each of these early games is averaging about two touchdowns per contest. Jeebus.

I wonder if the Lions will do like the U.S. women’s soccer team and memorize “we want a rematch” in Portuguese in time for their second game against Green Bay this year. It’d at least be a moment of levity for them.

I just tuned into the Jags and Bills for the first time a minute into the 4th quarter and I think I need to make up for lost time.

From Punter: “I am disowning the Bengals. I’m just waiting on some paperwork. This is bullshit.” Really? This is what did it for you?

Seriously, does Dierdorf want to be the Peter King to Tarvaris Jackson’s Brett Favre? I figured if he wanted the black cock, McNabb would’ve been the logical choice.

A rather insanely flukey TD catch by Torry Holt. And the Rams are still with a score in this game somehow. I smell unexplainable upset.

Trent Edwards showing…poise? QB Bills throws a bullet to fantasy scourge Lee Evans, but it looks like the subsequent go-ahead TD may be overturned.

Aaaaand, it’s upheld. And Silky Garrard responds by showing you why he’s a middle of the pack QB when he has to do anything himself.

Berrian trips over his own feet while Drew gets his homemade suicide kit out of the closet.

Glued to the Colts-Vikes ending, but it looks like KC finally got on the board. Good for them.

And Jacksonville is starting the season 0-2. Del Rio may shit a D’Brickashaw.

TARVARIS JACKSON TWO-MINUTE DRILL TIME!!!!

Jason Campbell hits a 66-yard bomb to Santana Moss to give the ‘Skins the lead with three minutes left. That’ll forestall the inevitable Colt Brennan start by a week or two.

And the Lions have come back? Jesus, this is quite a slate of deceptive games.

And the Vikings might want to work on their punt coverage. And the late hit was on… the return team? Zuuuuhhhhhh?

Did I mention I had Reggie Wayne on my team that is facing Drew? He might have had a few reason to hate that completion to set up the FG attempt.

NO DREW DON’T DO IT! SUICIDE IS FOR VINCE YOUNG!