The Vikings gave the Packers a shockingly competitive contest when the teams met in Minnesota three weeks back. Of course, now that the game is in Green Bay and – more importantly – because we’re live blogging it, expect a minimum five-touchdown Cheesehead rout. Last week, Charles Woodson told Mike Silver that the Packers openly talk about the prospect of going 19-0, a move that flies in the face of proper conduct as laid down by DER GOTT OF FOOTBALL JINXERY.

Such discussion has apparently upset Leslie Frazier, whose brilliant idea it was to punt the ball away on a 4th down in the final minutes in the first meeting rather than have his offense try for the lead. Frazier said this week that it’s the Vikings’ goal to end the Packers talk of an undefeated season. Yeah, and it’s my goal to have sex with Kat Dennings on the surface of the sun. Best of luck on your mission, Leslie.

Your Meast for Super Bowl XLV is – shock of shocks! – Aaron Rodgers, who was also granted an even more widely hallowed distinction than Meast for his efforts on Sunday. Was it The Bridgestone Tires Rubber Meets The Road Big Wheel of the Game? I can’t recall. But it was shiny. Of course, all the media had to ask him in the days that followed was whether or not he expected a congratulatory phone call from Brittfar. Because that was what this was all about for Rodgers, you see. Not the adulation nor the glory. Only recognition from the Dongslinger.

Joking momentarily aside, the throw Rodgers made on the seam route to Greg Jennings on 3rd and 10 from the Packers side of the field during their final clock-killing field goal drive was perhaps the most important of the many pinpoint passes he had during the evening.

Yeah, that’s pretty much perfect.

/shotguns Drano

//dies laughing watching Charles Woodson wince while trying to celebrate on the sideline

Read the rest of this entry »

It was quite the week for NFL-related errors in newspaper headlines. As you can see above, the Green Bay Press-Gazette misspelled Chicago on its front page, which is either an extremely careless error or a roundabout means of trash talk (“Geddit? Chi-COCK-O!”). This came days after an inattentive copy editor at The Times-Picayune neglected to replace the dummy text in a headline for a story about the Jets-Patriots game last Sunday.

Either that, or the paper distributes a special edition for dyslexics. This would be the version Rex Ryan bought.

The big scandal in the run-up to the NFC championship is that the game will feature Terry McAulay, the head referee of the officiating crew that flagged the Packers an astounding 18 times when the two teams played on Monday night in Chicago in Week 3. Of course, the rest of the ref crew will be different. And, if memory serves, the grand majority of the calls against Green Bay in the first meeting of the season weren’t particularly egregious. Sometimes, it’s possible that one team just committed more mistakes. There’s no rule that infractions and penalty yards need be perfectly level each week. [Gets shouted down by several thousand irate fans screaming about referee conspiracies.]

Oh, and this is pretty badass. Now I finally understand the “Wait! Wait! Don’t Tell Me” prize of getting Carl Kasell recording your message on your voicemail.

The Packers were the most talented NFC team coming into the season. And they’ll probably destroy whoever emerges from tomorrow’s Seattle/Chicago runner-up fest. But let’s give a hand to Atlanta for being so kind as to be the team that occupied the top seed in Green Bay’s stead until being summarily dispatched by the Pack. Good times. We had fun getting to know your unremarkable team these past few months.

And while it will be endlessly funny to see Matt Ryan remain winless in the postseason, it’s a tad poignant that Gonzo has never tasted playoff victory even still in the final flushes of his exemplary career. It’s enough to make a vegan backslide into misery eating. Might I suggest a Matty Melt?

The meat is low grade but the cheese is so braying and obnoxious that you’ll never notice.

In other news, Blank is blank. More flattering light fixtures might take the harsh off your face, Mr. Home Depot Man.

For as much bad blood is flowing in the AFC divisional match-ups, there’s frighteningly little animosity going on in the other conference. Green Bay visited Atlanta earlier this season and got screwed by the lack of review that could have overturned what might have been a decisive play in the game, but there appears to be little bitterness on their part going into the rematch.

Aaron Rodgers got his first playoff win last week in Philly and was greatly aided by James Starks making it seem for a week like the Packers had a viable running game. Meanwhile, Matt Ryan is seeking his first postseason victory. His first postseason appearance ended quickly in 2008 when the Falcons were the first victims of the Buzzsaw Super Bowl charge. No doubt someone who goes by Matty Ice will only be further humbled by gaining success on the big stage.

Remember Week 1 last year when the Bears and Packers played in primetime and Jay Cutler, weighed down by the expectations of being supposedly the first halfway decent Chicago quarterback in forever, threw four interceptions, and thus set the tone for an epically sulktastic season? Yeah, me neither.

But the Bears and Packers are meeting again tonight in another early season primetime game. Both teams are unbeaten, though the Bears really have to thank the league’s indefensibly retarded rules for what constitutes a reception for that. That bullshit notwithstanding, Cutlerf*cker is playing significantly better than he did in 2009, while Aaron Rodgers has continued being generally very good. Green Bay’s running game faltered last week without Ryan Grant, with alleged fantasy savior Brandon Jackson rushing for all of 19 yards against Buffalo.

Oh, and I didn’t get all the way through this clip, but I think the Packers have to win or this little girl will die of cancer. Steep odds!

Would you like to avoid dying of cancer? Learn more by checking out this week’s Designed Rush column at SB Nation.

Aaron Rodgers aaron rodgers aaron rodgers aaron rodgers. Aaron Rodgers aaron rodgers aaron rodgers aaron rodgers? Aaron Rodgers. Aaron Rodgers, aaron rodgers aaron rodgers aaron rodgers.

AARON RODGERS AARON RODGERS!

Aaron Rodgers aaron rodgers, aaron rodgers aaron rodgers (AARON RODGERS!) aaron rodgers! Aaron Rodgers?

Aaron. Rodgers.

By one sports network’s count, there are exactly eight NFL teams that have not publicly declared “no interest” in signing Michael Vick, one of which happens to be the Green Bay Packers. They’re seriously considering picking up Vick, and I think such a signing would be a good move–for them. Read the rest of this entry »

FAT GUY IN TRACK SUIT [in booth eating pizza]: You Jimmy?

JIMMY: Yeah.

FAT GUY: Yeah, that’s some hat, kid. Ah, what the hey. Siddown, why doncha?

JIMMY: Thanks. [sits down]

FAT GUY: Here, have a slice. Four cheeses on this pie. Best in the state. Fuggetaboutit. Hey, Jimmy. Jimmy, don’t look so nervous, eh? Come on, Jimmy, have a slice.

JIMMY: I’m alright. Thanks.

FAT GUY: So, uh, you need some taking care of someone in your organization? That’s what our mutual friend said to me. So who we lookin’ at here?

JIMMY: So you guys? You, uh, k–

FAT GUY: Shhhshhh, Jimmy. Do me a favor and shuddafuggup, okay? We don’t use that word. We take care of people. You know, like an escort service. ONLY THEY’RE THE ONES THAT GET BLASTED!!! [slaps table] HAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHA!

JIMMY: Haha, yeah, that wasn’t really funny…

FAT GUY: I can see you’re really nervous, Jimmy. And let me tell you somethin, okay? Some people…they just deserve it. We don’t ask questions, we just make your life easier…for a price. Now come on, eat some pie.

JIMMY: No, really. I’m good.

FAT GUY: It’s delicious. Four cheeses.

JIMMY: No.

FAT GUY: [cocks gun under the table] Eat it.

[Jimmy takes a slice and eats it]

Alright, alright, no more funny stuff. Down to business. So what’s the occasion? The UPS man fuckin’ your wife? Somebody makin’ trouble near yo’ residence? Who’s the man o’ the hour?

JIMMY: [pulls out photo] This guy…

FAT GUY: I see. Well, a person of this high profile is going to cost a little extra.

JIMMY: I don’t care. This might be the only way I, uh, I mean Aaron gets to play.

FAT GUY: Alright, the final price tag is gonna be–

[door flies open]

T. J. HOUSHMANZADEH: Hey.

FAT GUY: What the fuck do you want?

JIMMY: Get out of here!

T. J. HOUSHMANZADEH: Aaron Rodgers. You play for the Red Wings, right?

AARON RODGERS: No, I’m Jimmy. I’m–

T. J. HOUSHMANZADEH: Do you have anything to drink?

FAT GUY: I’m gettin’ outta here. [gets up and leaves]

AARON: Thanks a lot, you Persian fuck. I just went through all of this for nothing.

T. J. HOUSHMANZADEH: Okay, bye.