The New York Giants were awarded their Super Bowl Rings last night in a plush ceremony at Tiffany & Co. Meanwhile, a continent away, Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis commemorated his teams’ 2007 campaign my handing out cans of Dinty Moore® Beef Stew. The ritzy Manhattan affair was marked by a regal blue carpet leading to the famed jeweler’s front door. While on the west coast, Raiders owner announced the stew giveaway via an index card thumb-tacked to the bulletin board at the OTAs.

The rings, designed with input from the players, are worth an estimated $25,000 each. Said Eurydice Kleinschmidt, Special Project Coordinator for Tiffany’s, “This isn’t just a Super Bowl victory, it’s a New York Super Bowl victory. Everything has got to be bigger, brighter more exciting.” Davis scored the Dinty Moore for $7.99 per case. Floor Manager Gregg Sekelski of the Fremont Costco explained, “A few cases of the Dinty Moore fell off the forklift today. Some of the cans were dented, so we thought we’d have to throw them away. Fortunately this creepy old guy in old lady’s glasses bought them right up.”

“Winning a championship is great and all. But once you put that ring on your finger, it’s a whole other story,” gushed linebacker Kawika Mitchell. Davis was equally enthusiastic about his prize, “Stew keeps the boys from gettin’ the consumption or hip gout. Silly cabin haystack carburetor.”

Today is Patriots’ Day in New England. And as a testament to the fighting spirit of the revolution, the New England Patriots aren’t going to let something as minor as losing the Super Bowl detract from the marketability of an undefeated season.

The fearless muckrakers at The Smoking Gun reveal that not only have the Patriots not abandoned their quest to trademark “19-0” since the Giant Snatch, they have amended their original application. Before we dismiss this legal wrangling as mere wishful thinking on the Patriots part, maybe they know something we don’t. Maybe the stinging defeat at the hands of the Giants caused Bill Belichick to redouble his resolve to build the Patriots into an unstoppable gridiron juggernaut that will finish the 2008 season without a blemish. Or maybe Belichick has added Doc Brown and Professor Peabody to the coaching staff and plans on tearing the space/time continuum asunder. Only time will tell.

The NFL’s finest have gathered in Honolulu for the annual showdown betwee — Wait… should we prattle on about a game that no one gives a rats ass about anyway, or should we continue to revel in the misery of Pats fans?

Yeah, I thought so too. Let’s hear from Fitzy….

This may end up being the best off season ever. Cheers!

We’ve sadly come to the final WHO YA GOT? until September and we’re left to wonder what can carry us across the seven-month void of no football. Likely it’s two activities that will never get old: maliciously glorying in the Greatest Choke Job of All-Time (tm 2007 New England Patriots, all rights reserved) or some good old-fashioned fucking, like yo mamma used to make. Which is better? Which will help us more to cope with the offseason? WHO YA GOT?

The guys at Why the Red Sweatshirt? blame Belichick’s sartorial switcheroo for the Pats’ epic crash ‘n’ burn. Here, Bill reminds me of Hester Prynne– another known fornicator with an eye for red threads. Kicking the mumbling old troll while he’s down will probably get old in a month or two. But until then…

Image HT: The Sports Hernia

We won’t beat around the bush, we’re crazy about you, Matt Walsh. After all, what’s sexier than power? And right now we think you have the power to run Belicheat out of the league in shame and dishonor. And that’s sexy, baby.

Come to Rogg’s office and sing like the magnificent canary that, deep down, you know you are. Tell him how Bill made you tape the Rams in New Orleans and how he cackled like a maniac when you forked over the discs. Tell him where he touched you while you reviewed the Rams futile preparations over braunschweiger and warm malt liquor. Tell him how he just laughed when begged him to stop. You can do it, big guy. We believe you… and we believe IN you. <3 <3 <3

Hopefully they dispatched the waaaaahmbulance to this place. Not to help the Pats fans, but because they should collect their tears. I think they cure cancer. At least they clear up anything that’s bothering me.

Much thanks to TheJetsBlog.

Update: Shock of shocks! Obama didn’t carry Massachusetts. Wonder why?

See? Giants fans embrace their ugly stereotypes. That’s why we like them so much more than Patriots fans. That is, at least for another few days, until their gloating gets old and we wish them all dead.

If you’re a Giants fan today, you’re obviously feeling a joyous amalgam of elation and disbelief. You might also be annoyed that the nut graf of every recap that you’ve read has said that the Patriots lost first and foremost. While it’s fun to twist the knife on the Patriots fans, who are deserving of every iota of grief they incur from this loss forever and always, it’s not reflective of the dominating performance put on by the Giants, especially their front four, which bullied and squashed what was exhaustively told to us was the greatest offense of all time.

Manning was the MVP, but Strahan, Tuck, Osi and Robbins were the Measts.

Wow. How does Manning get loose? How the hell does Tyree catch the ball with his freaking helmet? Holy shit, what a game.

video: Awful Announcing
image: reader Chris C.