The Super Bowl, you guys. It came after all. You feared you’d never get to see commercials with chimps dressed as stewardesses headbutting random men in the dick to sell car insurance. Now you will! Plus Twitter gets to explode by the end of the first quarter. Maybe the whole Internet, too, because the game is being streamed online for the first time. The American dream is still alive. Take that, terrorist commie invading alien clown frauds.

We survived two weeks of Gronkowski ankle updates, Bill Simmons bitching in advance about the Giants faking injuries to slow the Greatriots offense, profiles of Belichick’s shadowy inner circle and examinations of whether another Super Bowl ring will push Brady or Eli into the list of greatest living presidents. Also, fans sublimated their big game anticipation into concentrated stupid thing energy.

And what Super Bowl run-up could be complete without BULLETIN BOARD MATERIAL OF ANCIENT MAYAN DOOM. It looked bleak for morons bleating about superstition until this morning when Chris Canty tweeted a prediction that the Giants would win 28-17. Finally, someone to blame when the karma gods invoke their new age wrath on the Giants.

Hope you didn’t bet the over on the prop bet for shots of Peyton Manning during the game, because from the looks of ESPN’s pregame coverage, Ol’ Battleship is taking in Super Bowl XLII.2 from his Gatorade Is It In You™ NeckAIDS Fallout Bunker deep beneath the city.

So let’s do this. The official KSK position is that this Super Bowl matchup is only worthwhile if the Patriots lose, but it can be a closely contested game, preferably with a huge momentum-swinging play that makes Simmons issue poorly veiled complaints for the next decade. And while this Brady Photoshop is admirable, I can’t support the underlying sentiment or bad comic book movies.

By the way, for this live blog, we’re introducing commenter achievements and badges. Rolling out two today: one for any signed-in reader who comments on a live blog and another for any who share via Facebook or Twitter. Peter King says many movie buffs won’t know the “Badges? We don’t need no stinking badges!” came from The Treasure of the Sierra Madre, but then they aren’t real movie fans.

Kickoff is still hours away. Anything to distract you from NBC’s or ESPN’s dueling pregame circle derps. Animal-related cuteness will do nicely.

After two weeks of interminable hype, desperate casting for soft-focus storylines and looped footage of Super Bowl XLII, Super Bowl Sunday has arrived, a day that is mostly all the things I just mentioned plus a football game. We’ll get our Super Bowl live blog underway later this afternoon. In the meantime, more Peter King inanity to hold you over until the Puppy Bowl.

Not good fans, and therefore the usual assemblage of the uninitiated and members of Red Sox Nation who Peter King typically writes for in his weekly column, where any player who isn’t a big-name quarterback or one of his friends is surely being introduced to the nation for the first time. Who is this Cortez Kennedy? One of the defensive stalwarts of his era? A charismatic star who was frequently featured in national NFL promos? Or is he Seattle’s Starbucks quality control officer, who is tasked with enforcing the chain’s standards and dispatching the manager of any nationwide location that PK has suggested is serving watery, nutmegless coffee? ONLY ONE MAN KNOWS FOR SURE.

O AN HE SEXY

You know, I get cutting off the sleeves of a sweatshirt to free your wrists from the constraints of elastic, but cutoff sweatpants? C’mon Bill, you’re just trolling us now. Athletic shorts exist, and they are comfortable, and they are available from NFL-approved clothing sponsor Reebok. You needn’t show us so much thigh…

…but we’re glad you did anyway! GRRRR 2 HOTT 4 INDY! Sexy Friday be ALL UP IN YOUR GRILL with MILF-hunting football acumen. Your move, Coughlin.

I’ve thought about it for nearly two weeks now, and I still can’t bring myself to root for either team. My wife is a Giants fan, which doesn’t really help me decide. As much as I want to avoid dealing with some weepy Super Bowl loser, I’m not convinced the alternative is any better. Either way, she’s probably going to cry.

A win for the Giants means they’ll have one more than the Redskins. A loss and Boston fans will be happy. There is no good choice here, no matter how I think about it. The only thing that makes me lean in one direction over the other is the idea of Eli having more rings than Peyton. But that’s hardly enough to make me happy about the outcome. This is why gambling is so important. All I have to do is commit to one team, and put enough money on the line to make a win satisfying.

On to the Super Bowl picks…

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It’s February! Almost time for the Super Bowl! YAY! Valentine’s Day is around the corner! BOOOO!

This year for Valentine’s Day, I’m putting in crazy-long hours at the Westminster Dog Show on the 13th and 14th, so I can’t possibly take my fiancee out to dinner in a packed restaurant of two-tops populated with overdressed people who don’t put enough energy into their relationships the other 364 days of the year. SHUCKS. Sorry, honey. I owe you one (1) romantic evening of takeout and “The Wire.”

Let’s get to your questions.

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