Matt Schaub: Hey man. I heard the news. Try not to get too bummed. You’ll bounce back, I know it.

Owen Daniels: It sucks. And at the worst possible time too.

Matt Schaub: Yeah, yeah, I know. We had finally climbed above .500 mark. I still hope we can make something of this season without you. Guys’ll step up. You’ll see.

Owen Daniels: There’s that, I guess. But I had some other plans that were about to come to fruition.

Matt Schaub: Like what?

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When we last left championship cake baker Peter King, he was 20 minutes late to a live chat over at Deadspin, then proved a rather good sport with most of the questions. I’d like to congratulate Big Jim Slade for asking Peter how the Bowers were doing. Peter’s response was a simple, “Fine.” It’s the little things.

Someone also asked Peter if the criticism he gets online bothers him, to which Peter replied that it comes with the territory. He doesn’t like it when it goes too far, but he accepts it. Well, thank God for that. NOW I CAN MAKE FUN OF THAT DOUCHEHAT WITHOUT IT WEIGHING ON MY CONSCIENCE ONE BIT! WOO HOO!

So what about this week? Will it be another Steelers Sunday for Peter? Will he and Bob Costas rattle a cage or two? Will he show up in my Junior Jumble? Read on, people…

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For those of you who might be wondering, “Could the Seahawks have made Tony Romo look any better yesterday?” the answer is YES: they could still be starting Brian Russell at free safety. He’s too slow and too weak for the NFL, and I dare an NFL team to sign him and still finish the season .500. It can’t be done.

(via Field Gulls)

We abandoned the the Friday Five based on your overwhelming desire to see scantily clad women you could easily find on a Google image search, but because we are loath to abandon established ideas, here are five things we enjoyed about the Sunday that was. There would be more, but the NFL slunk away from an easy victory in the ratings over Game 4 over the World Series because, who knows? We’re too busy trying to figure out if Miles “Baraka” Austin is actually a white guy.

1. Gus Johnson saying Chris Johnson ran “like he was being chased by the cops” after his 52-yard TD scamper against the Jags in the 3rd quarter.

2. Ravens fans carping about the refs even when they’re winning. Not that complaining about the officiating isn’t a constant state of being for Ravens fans.

3. Brittfar’s coquettish wink at the Brittfar Cam because Brittfar must be accepting of all the Brittfar love that the media must lavish reflexively on Brittfar

4. Joe Flacco’s triple salchow into a sack. The Steelers judge gives it a 2.0.

5. St. Louis trickeration to defeat the Detroit Lions in order to avoid becoming the next Detroit Lions.

Are these new this year? Holy crap, they’re good. I’ve eaten like 17 of these since last night.

I’m digging through my kids’ Halloween candy while watching the early games. The occasion has led to me to rate the 4pm games according the types of candy I find…

Minnesota at Green Bay – This game is the good candy that’s always gone within a day and a half of Halloween. Like Reece’s Cups or fun-size Snickers bars. Brett Favre, who actually throws fewer interceptions than you think, makes his return to Lambeau today. Didja see Fuzzy Thurston bad-mouth Favre on ESPN Sunday Countdown this morning? Until you’ve had an old man with an electronic voice box curse your very name, you really haven’t lived.
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Don’t get me wrong, Broncos-Ravens has a little bit of appeal (presuming the Ravens can get back on track and actually give Denver a game), and Miami heading to Giants Stadium to play the Jets is a serviceable rivalry. But the rest of these games blow. Rams at Lions? I’d rather get stabbed in the lung. Browns at Bears? Sounds incredibly suspenseful. Houston making the trek to Buffalo might be interesting if Ryan Fitzpatrick happened to sit on a horseshoe at some point last week (and honestly, he’s only replacing Trent Edwards. How much of a downgrade can that be?)…and then there’s Seattle at the JerryDome and Peyton taking on the 49ers. If those are the only games in your area, you may want to take a nap and find yourself refreshed for FavreFest II.

And if you haven’t set your clocks back yet…at least you’ll be an hour early for wherever you’re watching the games today. Good on ya.

No, seriously. Don’t call it that. The KSK podcast returns with a whimper as PUNTE and Brandon from Ramblings of the Unmotivated (and now Gunaxin) run down the cancellation of Sunday Night Football, discuss the joys of getting drunk with a clown in Vegas, and the latest spreads for Week 8 action in the NFL. And if that wasn’t enough of a trainwreck, the duo FINALLY air the “lost” interview with Jay Busbee of Yahoo!’s Devil Ball Golf and From The Marbles (NASCAR) blogs. Christmas Ape joins the interview via phone as well. It’s the most soothing train wreck to which you’ll ever have the pleasure of listening. This marathon return checks in at about 2 hours and change, making it roughly two hours too long. Minor Audio Fluctuations early. This podcast is a real bear at 122 minutes, but we start with the picks in the first half hour. Recorded Wednesday.

Episode 20* of HOUSE OF PUNTE: The KSK Podcast. PUNTE, Brandon, Christmas Ape, and Jay Busbee.

* Not really 20th episode

So here we are. Back to pictures of sexy people on Friday afternoons. Why? Because for the most part, the commenting was superb this week. We had one dumbass on Tuesday or Wednesday, and there was a case of failed sabotage this morning, but all in all the lack of bitching was a true delight for both us and the quiet lurkers who read the comments but don’t contribute. So thank you.

And what’s the best way to say thank you?

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While last week’s individual game picks left a bit to be desired, the prop bets were quite successful. And hey, it worked once, so why not press our luck a bit? Continue after the jump for this week’s picks, a collection of the most enticing proposition wagers available to degenerate internet sports gamblers.

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Last year, the Lions set the benchmark for failure to which all future failures will be compared, at least until the NFL expands its schedule to 18 games and some woebegone franchise (Redskins?) finds a way to lose that many games in a season. This year, the Rams look every bit as bad – possibly even worse – than that Detroit team from a year ago. Other than a matchup at currently winless Tennessee later in the season, this Sunday represents the Rams’ best chance at getting in the win column, seeing as how six of their final eight games pit them against teams with a .500 or better record. As fate would have it, it’s the Lions who could be the guardians of another epic NFL fail. So, WHO YA GOT?

Contestants

Same Ol’ Sorry Ass Rams____________________2008 Detroit Lions

Point differential through seven games

-151_________________________________-98

Number of times shutout

Twice_______________________________Zero

Is there an inconvenient crisis among the prominent industry in town that will lead to innumerable painful bailout jokes associated with the team’s horrid play?

Thankfully not (but they’d still like jobs)______________Oooohhhhh yeah

Are they responsible for Nelly or Kid Rock?

Nelly_____________________________Kid Rock

Pictoral approximation of failure

Medical failure analog

Kidney failure________________________Rectal prolapse

Meager redeeming quality

Avoided Rush Limbaugh as owner (through no fault of their own)______Suckered Dallas into paying big for Roy Williams

Finishing move

Laying down and dying quietly (on top of an animal)_________________Necrophilia fodder