Aaaaaand now, it’s time for the Drew Brees Radio Show! Here’s your host, Drew Brees!
Brees: Hey, guys! Gosh! This is soooo cool! This is my own radio show! You’re hearing my voice coming out of the radio. Man, I don’t know how that works. I talk into this microphone and my voice is literally carried out into the world by angels who pour my voice into your car. This is so great!
Anyway, welcome to the Drew Brees Radio Hour. That song you heard before the show was Hootie & The Blowfish’s “Hold My Hand.” Those guys are awesome. I saw them on the HORDE Tour when I was a teen. They blistered the stage with Sister Hazel, guys.
Anyway, today’s show is brought to by Nike. And Wrangler jeans. And Dove soap. And Pepsi. And Gatorade. And Verizon. And Chase Bank. Man, I sure do have a lot of great endorsements. I’m like a NASCAR car! Vroom! El oh el! And the best thing is, nobody cares! You guys sure are nice to me. Nice and smooth like a bottle of Nyquil.
By the way, the “Name Our Costume” contest is underway! Be sure to log on to my radio show’s website – The Internet! It’s sooooooo amazing, you guys! – and let me know what costumes my wife and I should wear to our next movie party. We were thinking of
Today’s topic: Tom Benson.
Guys, Tom Benson, he’s such a great guy and he got the attention he deserves yesterday when a new statue was unveiled for him. It was so great seeing him get that statue. Such a great idea.
Like I said earlier, Benson is “A symbol of hope and inspiration forever!” He’s owned the team for almost 30 years and he led us to a Super Bowl victory. He also helped keep this team together after that mean ol’ commissioner kicked Coach out of the league for a year. Man, that was rough. But Tom was there for us! So I want to hear from you guys, my fans, about what you thought of the new statue!
Hi, there, caller, what’s your name?
Roddy White: Hey, Drew, it’s Roddy
Drew: Roddy! Buddy! How the heck ya doing?
Roddy: ‘Aight. So, look, this statue…
Drew: Yeah, man, isn’t it great?
Roddy: No, Drew, it’s not.
Drew: Aw, c’mon, Roddy! He’s such a great guy. Don’t be sore just cause we’re rivals!
Roddy: No, Drew, but just like last time, you seem to be completely ignoring a historical context to this issue. Benson doesn’t need a statue for several reasons.
Drew: Why not? I mean, we have the Gleason punt block statue!
Roddy: Sure, but that commemorated a cathartic moment for an entire fan base, an entire city, capturing a moment that signified the city’s return from Hurricane Katrina. Plus, Gleason has been an inspiration to fans and non-fans alike as he battles ALS, a disease, mind you, that some scientist have linked to concussions and other blows to the head. Like when you play professional football.
Drew: Look, Roddy, I really enjoy science class, but we’re losing the point. Benson is awesome.
Roddy: Yeah, Drew. I can’t think of a better way to honor an old rich white guy in a city with widespread poverty and a history as the epicenter of the slave trade than to construct a 10-foot monument to him.
Roddy: That was sarcasm, Drew.
Roddy: But seriously, Drew. Do you really not remember what Benson did to the city in 2005? The hell he put that fanbase through when they were already going through hell? And that’s not even mentioning that Aaron Brooks was the team’s quarterback!
Drew: Well, I didn’t join the team until 2006…
Roddy: So you forgot the threats that Benson made to move the team? That he became a villain to the region as he looked to move the team to San Antonio? That then-commissioner Tagliabue is the main reason Benson didn’t get his way?
Drew: Aw, Roddy, that’s just rumors and conjecture.
Roddy: Just like it was conjecture when he fired vice president Arnold Fielkow, a staunch supporter of keeping your team in New Orleans, halfway through the 2005 season while he played footsie with San Antonio?
Roddy: Or the way this all culminated in an altercation with a fan later in the season as his family left a Saints game at LSU Stadium that then resulted in a tantrum from Benson?
Roddy: Or the way New Orleans residents took to spray painting “Tom Benson LIAR” on the city’s abandoned refrigerators, discarded on curbs after Katrina?
Drew: Roddy, gosh, ya know, I’m kind of getting tired of you ruining my fun.
Roddy: Look, Drew, I hate being the guy to deliver this news. But you have a lot of fans and a lot of fans in your city that look up to you and credit you with giving them some truly joyous moments. I sure as hell can’t say the same for my fans. But when you gush all this praise on an owner, you’re coming off as some sort of lackey.
Drew: Mister Benson has always been a great owner to me-
Roddy: Well, of COURSE to YOU! Because of what you’ve done for his team and, therefore, his bottom line. And there’s nothing wrong with saying he’s a good owner of a team. But don’t stand at a dedication of a statue for the guy and pretend like he doesn’t have a complicated history with the team and the city and not all of it is good.
Drew: Well, sure, there are times-
Roddy: And don’t even get me started on the fact that dome is built on an ancient burial ground-
Drew: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Roddy, gotta cut you off there because I don’t do ghosts! Okay, after the break, we’ll talk to one of my sons, I’m not sure which one, they all look the same to me, about his favorite toys and cartoons and WHO DAT!?!?! WOOOOOOOOOOO!
I want more like this!
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