raylewisstabbedaguy

BALTIMORE, MD —

Today, The Baltimore Ravens unveiled a giant statue of one of the Ravens’ most beloved and well-known figures, linebacker Ray Lewis. Well known for his eccentric and intense personality on and off the field, Lewis was always able to slice his way through offenses, racking up a total of over 2,000 tackles across his fearsome career. Lewis was also incisive, direct, and always sharp on defense, assaulting offenses with over 40 career sacks and 30 career interceptions. He was even able to stab his way through to the end zone occasionally, puncturing the goal line 3 times for defensive touchdowns. Experts agree that Lewis is likely to make the cut as soon as his Hall of Fame eligibility starts.

Reached for comment, Ravens owner Steve Bisciotti expressed gratitude to Lewis and to all Ravens fans, saying that Lewis “was everything we could have looked for in a player, in a fan of the franchise, and in a citizen of Baltimore. In fact, I would go as far as to say that Ray Lewis might just be the quintessential Baltimorean”.