Earlier today, Sage Rosenfels tweeted this mystical, threatening message:

Now, far be it for us to make any judgements about Sage’s journalistic capabilities, and the fact that tweeting something like this is the equivalent of whispering to a friend and then announcing to the room “THIS IS A SECRET. I’M NOT TELLING”. We’d never say that. We’re a classy website. Instead, let’s speculate aimlessly on what this tweet could mean. Here are you Sage Rosenfels Tweet Betting Odds 2K14.

-Something that’s actually pretty mundane and won’t affect anything at all at 1:1
-Something that’s legitimately earth-shattering, but is immediately disproven at 1:1
-Wolfman Rob involved in some way at 4:1
-Johnny Manziel involved in some way at 5:1
-Michael Sam involved in some way at 10:1
-All three involved in some way (it’s an orgy. An orgy is the way all three are involved) at 20:1
-Grossman forced a trade to Miami because he fathered three kids during his tryout at 2:1
-Drew Brees and Peyton Manning named as accomplices in the Aaron Hernandez case at 200:1
-Jerry Jones accidentally loses the entire state of Texas in a game of high-stakes bacarrat with the Sultan of Brunei at 15:1
-The Raiders actually are moving to San Antonio. Chargers go to LA at 400:1
-The Redskins change name to the Washington Other Giants and the New York changes name to the Original Giants at 120:1
-(via @books_not_wooks) The Manning brothers have been make believe this entire time at 500:1

It’s funny, because every single scenario listed here is more plausible than the rumor circulating currently, that the Texans are considering trading Andre Johnson for Ryan Mallett. Truth is stranger than fiction.