locker

 

 

Last year: Literaly no one remembers what the 2013 record was. Im going with 6-10

Acquisitions: Charlie Whitehurst, Taylor Lewan, Bishop Sankey, Dexter McCluster

Departures: Ryan Fitzpatrick (Harvard graduate), Kenny Britt and Chris Johnson (the least Harvard graduate NFL players)

Already critical injury: Several fans have already died in meth related lawnmower incidents during there commutes to Titans training camp.

Vegas 2014 win total over/under: 7.0 wins

Verdict: UNDER UNDER UNDER UNDER THIS IS FREE MONEY IMO #CAPSLOCK

The story of the 2014 Titans is edition by subtraction which is literaly ironic because Kenny Britt and CJ2YPC lost coudnt add there way out of a paper bag unless you let them do it using grams and ounces.

Saying that you “lost” Kenny Britt and Chris Johnson is like saying you “lost” your exwife who didnt like any of the stuff you like and put on allmost as much weight as you did. The only noticable downturn in putting those to on a bus out of town is the number of local nightclub stabbings folks.

Honestly cutting Kenny Britt saved Tenessee $7 million dollar’s in cap space and $44 thousand dollars in taxpayer provided meals, bedding, and orange jumpsuits.

Losing these 2 will really test Mike Munchacks chops on offense given he’ll have to redesign his playbook away from his most popular play calls of “take 2 slow steps toward the line of scrimmege and fall down” and “Sprint in a straight line untill you literaly run into a Davidson county jail cell.”

The Titans actualy have a great running back corps if it was the year 2011 and they were the New York Jets. Shonn Green and Leon Washington will battle for the blocking/pass catching running back position which dosent realy help if you have a quarterback who turns it over before you get to 3rd down.

There other RB is something called a “Bishop Sankey” which sounds less like a workhorse back and more like a type of keg that Charlie Whitehurst uses to store his ayahuasca root beer that he brews on the sidelines during divisonal matchups.

This team is staking its hopes on a qb who cant seem to call a time out without having his shoulder fall of. Between Lockers injurys and his passing accuracy over half the words used during a Titans broadcast is the word “dislocate”. Any time you put to much trust in a scrambling QB from Washington your going to end up in a stinky cellar whether its at the bottom of the pit that is the AFC south or a unfishished basment of a townhouse  in the middle of a swamp that Mark Brunell swore would triple your investment.

Gone is noted scholar Ryan Fitzpatrick. (“Ryan Fits Patrick” is also the name of Michael Sams favorite movie not to make a gay joke.) Ol Fitzy was Lockers securty blanket but they let him walk to Houston in favor of Charlie Whitehurst whose more of a security snuggie which is a better idea because maybe Lockers shoulders needs all the protecton it can get.

All that said,, there are 2 absolute lock’s you can count on for the Titans 2014 season: 

1. They will have the olny fanbase that thinks the Redskins should change there name less then Washington Fans.

They will seem to play the Jacksonville Jaguars 6 times a year at 1 PM when your to hungover to change the channel.