Last year: 9-7, third place in AFC West, lost in divisional round

Acquisitions: Jason Verrett, Donald Brown, Brandon Flowers, Kellen Clemens

Departures: Ronnie Brown, Charlie Whitehurst, Derek Cox, Le’Ron McClain

Vegas 2014 win total over/under: 8 wins

Verdict: PUSH

marmawin

ESPN


Five names for Philip Rivers’ next slate of offspring:

— Colton Burpo Rivers

— Bolo Rivers

— Hobby Lobby Rivers

— How Is This News Rivers

— Ruttiger Rivers

Hey, she wasn't wrong.

IG

Hey, she wasn't wrong.


Fan forecast by Justin Halpern:

Upon first glance, you may think the Chargers live and die with Philip Rivers. But true Chargers fans know this season rests on the shoulders of a different man. A man many of you might not know. Folks, let me introduce you to outside linebacker, Melvin Ingram!

ingramname

Twitter


Wait, so will he be Melvin Ingram Ingram? I like it! But before you go doing that, can I ask a favor real quick? Can you GET SOME FUCKING PRESSURE ON THE QUARTERBACK? Because no one else is going to do it and it’s the key to our entire defense. So it is IMPERATIVE that you’re in tip-top condition.

ingramsther

Twitter


Shoot, I don’t personally know one, but why don’t you ask for a recommendation from THE CHARGERS TRAINING STAFF? We really need to make sure you take this off-season seriously.

ingramnod

Twitter


Exactly. Good to hear. I like that attitude.

ingramdave

Twitter


No. No, no. No days off, remember? I really think it’s important that you—

ingramkickin

Twitter


Alright, fine, who can resist D&Bs? But here’s the thing, we didn’t upgrade our corners at all, unless you consider all four feet eleven inches of Brandon Flowers an upgrade. Unless Demaryius Thomas’s dick starts catching passes, I’m pretty sure Brandon’s going to have some trouble covering the big AFC West receivers for more than 1.3 seconds. So, look, Melvin, we have shitty Defensive ends and mediocre linebackers. You’re on your own. You’re going to have to problem solve. But you’re great at that, right?

ingramsocial

Twitter


Sigh. Ok, so maybe you’re not going to be the field general on defense. But we can at least count on you to handle your own shit, yes?

ingramfood

Twitter


It’s amazing that there are a million different ways to use twitter effectively, and Melvin happened to find the one way it DOESN’T work. But, I’m sure he learned his lesson and learning lessons is an important part of being an NFL

ingramstarve

Oh for fuck’s sake.