artexas

FX


artexas2

FX


Last year: 2-14, last in AFC South, no. 1 pick recipient

Acquisitions: Jadeveon Clowney, Ryan Fitzpatrick, Tom Savage, Andre Brown, Chris Clemons

Departures: Matt Schaub, Ben Tate, Owen Daniels, Danieal Manning, Earl Mitchell

Disgruntled star player who desperately wants out: Andre Johnson

Guy who’s just trying to be the best teammate he can be: Arian Foster

Vegas 2014 win total over/under: 7.5 wins

Verdict: UNDER

Getty Image


Five places where Ryan Fitzpatrick attended college:

— Harvard

— Fair Harvard

— “A school in Cambridge”

— Beardy State University (Harvard)

— The Harvard of the Harvards

tex

Fan forecast by Stephanie Stradley:

So as the Texans were going 2-14 last year because they were a team adrift without a solid quarterback, Texans fans were going, “Well, I can deal with this because at least we will get a top quarterback next year.”

!!?!!

Goodbye Matt Schaub. Hello Ryan Fitzpatrick. Let the excitement commence!

The 2013 Texans cleaned house, but they didn’t. They got rid of their first time NFL head coach who is reputed to be good developing quarterbacks and replaced him with a first time NFL head coach who is reputed to be good developing quarterbacks.

And they’ve kept the GM who was a first time GM when he was hired by the Texans. His greatest career accomplishment might be being the youngest GM in the league when he was hired at age 36 after accomplishing nothing of note for the Broncos. The best articulation why he didn’t get canned was something to the effect of, “Well, he wasn’t responsible for the roster composition and bad picks, and was merely ineffectual as opposed to affirmatively terrible at his job.”

Being human kevlar may be the handiest skill for anyone working for a company.

So what are the Texans going to be in 2014? Football Outsiders projects them to have the easiest schedule in the league, so they might just be good enough to not to be able to draft a top quarterback in 2015.

There’s a thin reed of hope about developing 4th round quarterback, Tom Savage. Cool name, really strong arm, looks like Nick Cage if you are drunk and squinting. If he is turned into something above serviceable, the Texans could become one of those cheap quarterback teams that can sorta afford to pay Captain America J.J. Watt.

The new head coach, Bill O’Brien is a former Patriots assistant hoping to break the curse of all former Patriot assistants being abysmal NFL head coaches. He begins his tenure with the same problems the previous staff had: 1 Eh quarterbacks; 2. A small core group of stars, surrounded by some starters and depth that might not make some other rosters; 3. Not much cap room to try to fix obvious problems.

So far, Texans fans don’t really have much of a sense of what their team will be in 2014. Many of their best players are coming off of injuries, haven’t played much in preseason games, and their health is being preserved for the regular season. The coaching staff claims that what they’ve run in the preseason is vanilla.

Possibly this extreme rest thing works for them, or they start the season looking like a bucket of rust. Given the errant passes I’ve seen in practice without a real pass rush, I’m not optimistic for the offense. Apparently a member of the Denver Broncos defense who faced them in practice agrees:


With J.J. Watt and Jadeveon Clowney, there’s the possibility of seeing some pretty cool quarterback crushing Vines, so there’s that for entertainment value.

But in summary, there are fans who are not embarrassed about their quarterback. Then there are fans that have semi-realistic hope for the development of their future quarterback. Then there are Texans fans.

[top gifs via]