Last year: 11-5, second place in AFC West, playoff memories don’t exist if you repress them deep enough

Acquisitions: Dee Ford, Joe Mays, De’Anthony Thomas’ Twitter account


Departures: Brandon Flowers, Brandon Albert, Tyson Jackson, Dexter McCluster, Sean McGrath’s beard, hope

Vegas 2014 win total over/under: 8

Verdict: FIND A NEW HOBBY

FIVE TWEETS I’M HOPING TO SEE FROM DE’ANTHONY THOMAS THIS SEASON:

MURRAY AND I GOING TO SEE THE NINJA TURTLES MOVIE TONIGHT

COACH TOOK ME TO WINSTEAD’S

PUTTING UP CHRISTMAS LIGHTS

HIDING A MY LITTLE PONY FIGURINE IN @STUNTMAN1429 LOCKER

MET DAN SALEAUMUA


Fan Forecast, by our own Trevor Risk:

There isn’t much to say here that Old James hasn’t said already about last year, so couple that with the fact that being a Chiefs fancier has left me with mind-dissolving ennui about rooting for them, this entry will be short and peppered with shrugs in prose form… or whatever.

/fiddles with wedding ring while staring into space

The 2013 Chiefs had one of those cliché “improbable runs” that was a media story I guess, or at least it became a story that it wasn’t getting enough coverage so we were through the proverbial and Milhousian “looking glass here people” for a while there. I suppose the empty pomp of competing with Seattle to see who had the loudest crowd was a thing. I dunno. Jamaal Charles was as good as pundits thought he would be under Andy Reid, but then he and all the other all stars got hurt in the playoff game, because: of course they did.

/lies on couch awake with television off on a sunny, Saturday afternoon

Now the secondary is hurt or was cut for some reason that I guess I’m too stupid to understand, and because of this Alex Smith feels so bad he’s now all “Okay, never mind about me holding out for money. You front office people have other problems that trump this. Talk l8r.” I imagine if you were to ask me what the Chiefs probably needed in the draft or free agency I would have said secondary help and/or a wide receiver, but (sigh) I guess I’m not a professional front office guy for the Chiefs, so what do I know?

/scratches ass

This year they’ll probably have a few close games, but someone important will get injured and the run of not winning a playoff game since Montana beat the Oilers will continue and the team will come out around 7-9 while the Chargers improve upon last year. But who cares really? The Chiefs exist still, and that’s good enough for them it appears. I’ll continue to root for them so I can justify drinking at 10AM Pacific Time, when I’m really just thinking about other things; nice things. Like, scotch is good. That feeling you get on the night before you’re about to go on vacation is pretty okay. Having a lot of money would be a fun thing I guess, if you’re into having a high quality of life. “Go Chiefs” and all that stuff.

/remembers there’s laundry to do