Laugh now, but they got a Brandon Weeden for a reason. This team has big plans.

— Orlando Scandrick is suspended for the first four games of the season for a failed drug test. Jay Glazer says it’s molly that he got in Mexico. I’m sure the first thing Jerry Jones will say to him is, “WHAT YOU USING THOSE MESSSICAN DRUGS FOR, SON? AROUND HERE WE DOPE AMERICAN!”

Meanwhile, a “source” (Scandrick’s agent) told Ed Werder that the banned substance was consumed in a cocktail while on vacation with his ex-girlfriend. Is that why she’s the ex? Nah, you don’t dumb ladies who lace your drinks with molly.

— Marvin Jones broke a bone in his foot, meaning the Bengals will have to find another receiver to benefit from double coverage on A.J. Green. Marvin Smith said Jones will only be out a few weeks but there’s still a possibility that Jones will start the season on the PUP list and miss the first six games.

— Mark Moseley says someone would have to drop a bomb on FedEx Field to get the Redskins to change their name. I’m willing to accept those terms.

— Celebrate the life of Robin Williams in a football-relevant manner by watching the time he dressed up as a Broncos cheerleader on “Mork & Mindy”.

— Speaking of, Peter King made it his civic duty to inform a busy restaurant host in Milwaukee that Williams had died. Because informing people of celebrity deaths is the journalism PK was born to practice.


— Dolphins defensive tackle Jared Odrick discovers a latex glove in his salad from Burger 21, immediately has concerns about his bowel movements.


— With all of his secondary currently injured, Rex Ryan said his defense doesn’t need a great cornerback in order to dominate. Or work. Or technically field the right amount of players to avoid penalty.

— The Buccaneers are lifting local blackouts for home games this season. Way too permissive. A Schiano Man would have made those fans earn their viewership!

Fish cannon! The cannon that shoots fish!

— Art Modell’s son is shockingly unsatisfied with the apology from the man who pissed on his father’s grave while wearing a Browns jersey.