Dear Big Brother Pey-ton,
I asked to have roommates even though I get a single as starting quarterback as you said because they’re my friends and having friends is important. Don’t you want to stay up past light-outs and tell stories with your friends? Last week Curtis and Ryan almost made me mess the bed telling imaginary stories about Coach McAdoodoohead with a unicorn and a koala bear, I was laughing so hard. See, Coach McAdoodoohead had a koala bear that he had lost so he summoned the magical unicorn Stan, well. Maybe you need to be playing with your scented markers for it to be funny like we were. Ryan had two of them up his nose so he could play Señor Larry Izzo the Talking Walrus.
As you can tell from my letter we got our crayons and markers back for the quarterback meetings. I took your advice and reminded everyone that crayons had won us two Super Bowls, even though you only mentioned one in your letter Peyton. I have two Super Bowl rings like the name Super Bowl is two words. Didn’t you see my PSA when you were at the Super Bowl this year?
And I’m going to keep calling him Coach McAdoodoohead because Mr. Mara doesn’t even like him yet. We beat the Bills in the Hall of Fame game the other week. So many speeches Peyton. SO BORING IT WAS LIKE FIVE HOURS OF SPEECHES AND I DIDN’T HAVE MY DS TO FEED MY NINTENDOGS AND THEY GOT HUNGRY. I got Kelly Ripa to sign something for Abby though and I practiced my Hall of Fame speech in my head and everyone I would thank, including Coop. DON’T TELL THOUGH Dad because he says it’s bad luck to say I’m getting in the Hall of Fame but I think believing it is true will make it happen like with the story with the rabbit.
We also beat the Steelers last weekend but apparently we didn’t win good enough because everyone says we still have a lot of work to do and it’s all McAdoodoohead’s fault. See? I am doing what you said. I am being a Manning, and being a Manning means with the team isn’t doing well it’s not our fault.
Did you see the DirecTV ad we shot in the spring is out? Victor Cruz says it’s “blowing up” so that must be a good thing because he knows a lot about music and dancing. Thanks for telling everyone I brought my own clothes to the shoot. Makes me look cool and I needed that this camp because Josh Brown caught me sneaking extra Motts in my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles jammies the other week and started telling people about how funny I dress. Good thing no one listens to kickers and the video came out like it did. Cromartie said my hat made me look hard, whatever that means. Learned to wear the flat brim from Joe Flacco. Did I tell you he sent me a LinkedIn request and asked if I played Boggle? Are you on LinkedIn too? We could all endorse each other as quarterbacks so we can get jobs later, or so that’s what Joe says. Seems like a smart business move and you know a lot about business so I am sure you are already on LinkedIn.
Anyway, I have to go. Thanks for sending me your Motts from Mom. We should be getting new care packages soon because it’s already been like three weeks away.
I miss you big brother even if you always forget I won two Super Bowls.
PS I’m not weird you ask anyone around here about the locker. They all think it’s haunted too. You’re weird for not having fans at camp and wearing a strangers jeans in a video. What if your wee accidentally touched where another wee was and the jeans were dirty? GROOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSSS.
PPS Johnny Football is doing better at camp but I don’t know. Heard he can’t even score on a 7 on 7 drill and they brought in Rex Grossman to be on the team. Not sure what Grossman is going to teach Johnny, I don’t even think he went to Dad’s football camp. Do you think Johnny will start now? I don’t know anymore and I’m tired just thinking about it. Maybe I can get McAdoodoohead to go to Cleveland so all the people I don’t like are in one place.
I want more like this!
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