Over on reddit today the Real Eli Manning (At least according to his username) is doing an AMA. As a massive Giants fan who has “special alone time” with my SB42 DVD at least once a week I was obligated to participate and report on my findings. This is the rare glimpse into Eli in a more personal state, what are we going to learn? I’ve seen so many pre/post game interviews with the guy to know he’s either extremely boring, or extremely good at spouting the typical cliche answers football players give in interviews. You know, “We just made some plays” and “some guys made some good plays and we got it done” and “I’m happy for the guys, who came up with those big plays”.

I assume Archie was on hand to translate the answers from Eli, who can only use a 3 button safety keyboard.

I’ll start with the most important thing: He answered me. He saw my topless painting of him with the tiny bucket. AND HE GETS TEASED FOR IT.

ELISAWMYPAINTING

DrawPlayDave


I have directly contributed to my favorite player’s misery. I was disappointed he said nothing about the nipples. What else did we learn? PTFC starts us off with the most important question of all:

PFTC

EJ Manuel would like a word with you. We also learned he is exactly the small child Kharacter we here at KSK think he is

 
Manningface

 

 

Awwwwww, that’s so cute. I can just see it. We learned he’s very delusional

 

INT

 

Wow. Okay Archie & Olivia, I know you want to protect your son from the bad things in the world but shielding him from 27 mistakes in one year alone is considered Helicopter Parenting. And not because he makes enough money to own a helicopter.

We also found out that he is very, very white.

 

footloose

 

badminton

Nsync

KevinFederline

 

 

That last one, I don’t even have words for that. He dropped a subtle hint that Big Ben is creepy.

 

bigben

 

By completely ignoring the question Eli either does not understand it, or cleverly avoided the accusation by offering a sort of “no comment”. But we all know what No Comment means. It means yes. Eli didn’t go out defending Ben’s honor, that means Ben is totally creepy. But Eli proves he’s capable of laying the smackdown as well.

 

Smackdown
Bam. You got 18-1′d, Eko5. Hows it feel? Eli thinks Tom Brady is sexy and has a schoolgirl crush on him

 

Brady

 

Did I mention he’s very, very white?

Budlight

wutang

 

 

That second one sounds like a bitter DeSean Jackson Eagles fan.

He’s also not trusted by his wife to handle food, and would be a very lazy cook

microwave

DrawPlayDave


But no matter how dumb he is, F*** the Jets.

fuckthejets

DrawPlayDave


Lastly, how is he going to win that next Super Bowl he is due for this season?

Detroitanswer

DrawPlayDave


As a fan who watched you in the preseason, Eli, I agree. Focus on winning at least 1 game, because holy hell have you looked awful.