Hey guys, guess what? Training camp is about to start! That means it’s almost time for football season. Well, not real football season, that’s not for six weeks… but hey the preseason is just two weeks from now! We can see fourth-stringers playing mediocre football in real, actual NFL jerseys! In the mean time, here’s a guide to some of the storylines you’ll be reading about as your favorite team enters training camp.
-There will be a 2000 word feature in your local newspaper about a linebacker with a tragic story who went undrafted and has looked really good in training camp. You will tear up just a bit reading about him, and you’ll even think about buying his jersey. In your team’s first preseason game, he has a crucial missed tackle that leads to a 76-yard touchdown run. He gets quietly cut from the team a few days later. You never hear or think about him again.
-Your team’s new coach has added a new trick play to your playbook that looks unstoppable in practice. There’s a ton of hype in local media about how it will revolutionize the game and basically act as a cheat code. Your team tries it in the first preseason game and it loses five yards. Thinking it was just a fluke, they bust it out again in the first regular season game. This time it loses 20 yards.
-A fifth round pick and a seventh round pick get into a huge fight in the middle of practice. It leads to a brief media frenzy questioning whether or not the coach has things has under control, or if your team is about to descend into utter chaos. The two players will publicly apologize to each other on twitter, and it suddenly morphs into a soft news story. Neither of these players make the team because they both suck.
-Your team’s new wide receiver who runs a 4.2 40 is blowing people away in practice. He caught three touchdowns yesterday! He’s the next Megatron! When the season starts, he will be completely unable to catch anything whatsoever (Note: I’m looking at you, T.J. Graham!).
-The QB your team took in the first/seventh had a really good/bad practice and people are wondering if the team should start him early/keep him on the bench for the first year. Then after your team plays its first preseason game, no one discusses this again.
-There’s one young player poised for a breakout year. There’s (another) feature in the local newspaper explaining how he’s going to take on an “expanded leadership role” and become the “centerpiece” of your team’s defense. He gets injured for the year on the first day of camp. Unless you’re the Buffalo Bills, in which case, that already happened.
I want more like this!
Follow Kissing Suzy Kolber on Facebook and get the latest NFL news and humor before everyone else.