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Good to see the Vikings make a news dump so late on a Friday night, they could have read the Saturday morning paper while doing so.

Perhaps as planned or perhaps pressured into it by the threat of a lawsuit for the full report, the Minnesota Vikings released a memo from the employment law firm Littler Mendelson P.C. late this evening to summarize the longer six-month investigative report completed by outside investigators Robins, Kaplan, Miller & Ceresi LLP sought out by Chris Kluwe’s camp. In the report it confirms Vikings special teams coach Mike Priefer did say something along the lines of “we should round up all the gays and put them on an island until it glows” a charge that Priefer originally denied, but according to the report summary, when faced with not only Kluwe’s charge but with long snapper Cullen Loeffler’s confirmation, he admitted he probably did say such a thing in growing frustration to Kluwe and Loeffler’s lack of concentration during practice. For this, the Vikings have announced Priefer will be suspended for the first three games of the season which could be reduced to two games if he attends sensitivity training. Kluwe had been seeking at least a four game suspension in his suit against the team.  According to the summary, the investigation found no other members of the organization had any issues with Priefer and found him to be a “positive” guy.

The summation also states that the report did not find systematic homophobia or organizational harassment of Kluwe for his activism and after a few pages of nonsensical grading on Kluwe as a punter by former Bears general manager Jerry Angelo and retired punter Craig Hentrich. (Why anyone tries to grade punters other than situationally is beyond anyone’s grasp, and if the league had a sense of humor and endless hours of programming to fill on their own network, we’d have a full review of his game tape by now. Too bad the NFL only has one of these things.) Basically summed up as, “We went with a cheaper punter and in football you can justify anything you want at the end of the day to gameplay because it’s just as subjective as ice dancing scores when we say so.”

The brief went on to air some dirty laundry on Kluwe, bringing up when he and other teammates made jokes crude jokes at strength and conditioning coach Tom Canavy for being a Penn State alum in the wake of the Jerry Sandusky case and generally had an inflated sense of himself as a punter. 

Kluwe for his part took to Twitter to defend himself and to stir the pot even further. When asked if the world wanted more dirt, he casually Tweeted, “Oooh, shall we talk about the time two very well known Vikings players were caught in a compromising situation with an underage girl?” 

Since the suit is ongoing, should make for an interesting camp when the Vikings report next Thursday with Kluwe potentially dropping more bombshells as the week goes on. 

Full summation of the report can be found here and is worth a read, if only because how often do you see “lustful cockmonster” in a legal document