We’ve spent so much time talking about the Ravens, Giants, Browns and then Ravens again this past few days, it felt like we should get caught up on what the rest of the league is up to in the first week of training camp. Is it a hundred percent accurate? No, but it’s the best roundup of news you’re going to read from an NFL writer still in their pajamas.
- The Miami Dolphins are considering playing without a center this season. With Mike Pouncey out due to injury (sadly, not out for being a smarm weasel), pickings are slim on the Miami roster. When asked how they would get snaps to quarterback Ryan Tannehill, head coach Joe Philbin responded, “Eh. What’s the point? Tannehill’s going to just end up on his back anyway.”
- In Tampa, the Buccaneers re-planked the decks. Really. That’s it. That’s all they’ve done as far as team improvements this offseason. Dare any one of you to report otherwise.
- While it may seem strange to those of us not from the Big Easy, but the New Orleans Saints are insisting every player have at least one back injury this preseason. Players who have not had their backs injured by the second week of camp will be forced to play at least three rounds of golf in their new Greenbrier digs to facilitate the process.
- The Saint Louis Rams traded for Jon Lester.
- As we wait for the first episode of HBO’s “Hard Knocks” to air, word out of Flowery Branch is that the Falcons have hired famed makeup artist Rick Baker to help the team be camera ready for the show. Rumor has it coach Mike Smith asked the Academy Award winning creature designer to make him look like, “the guy in HARRY AND THE HENDERSONS. No, not Harry. The banjo playing one.”
- Meanwhile in Latrobe, Mike Tomlin’s full contact drills continue to brutalize players on both sides, as seen by quarterback Ben Roethlisberger taking a sack during yesterday’s practice.
- Cardinals training camp moved to back to the University of Phoenix Stadium this year. No reports out of practice so far as beat reporters instinctively returned to Flagstaff and didn’t want to waste a week’s reservation and free breakfasts at the local La Quinta Inn.
- Los Angeles: still no team.
- In Green Bay, Eddie Lacy is calling himself “Randy Moss” and still no one has given him a concussion test to make sure he actually doesn’t believe he’s Randy Moss. Hey Rog, what’s the point of having a head trauma protocol if it doesn’t pick up on these sort of issues?
- As of noon Pacific Time when this post was filed, no arrests have been made today.
- As of 12:02 Pacific Time, particular contributors to this site were looking out the window wistfully wishing Rex Ryan would say something bombastic at camp we could work with. Anything, Rex. We’ll take a well-timed fart joke at this point.
- While not NFL related, word out of Seattle is that Pete Carroll spent a good hour of the Seahawks morning tape analysis going over how a 93 year-old pipe could burst on its own to flood the UCLA campus. According to Carroll’s study, there are at least six seconds of footage missing from the KTLA coverage of the geyser erupting through Sunset Boulevard, enough time in a digital blip for the saboteurs to escape into nearby Holmby Hills and has despatched tight end Zach Miller to search the Playboy Mansion for criminals.
- And finally, Bill Belichick gave a lesson in grinding to his players. “We just have to grind away here day after day. So, that’s where we’re at today. That’s where we’ll be tomorrow. That’s where we’ll be out here for a while.” Lunchpailing to be be covered in Week 2.
I want more like this!
Follow Kissing Suzy Kolber on Facebook and get the latest NFL news and humor before everyone else.