Hello, Kommentariat. How are you feeling this week? A little light-headed? Is there an acute pinch in your side when you realize how little NFL news there has been over the past seven days?
Yeah. We can tell. The fight over the CFL in this week’s Fun with Peter King (Great job filling in, Adam!) comment section was a dead giveaway. We feel the dearth of NFL news too and understand your pain at seeing the World Cup open threads, RubleysRevenge. This is an NFL site and we wish there was real NFL to discuss right now and not scoreboard size wars and Kevin Kolb. But it’s the dead of summer, and this is what we have to talk about right now. The World Cup is our methadone. We need this fix every four years. Soon we’ll be nips deep in football and memories of summer without football will fade. There will be so much football you’ll wish it was spring again just so you can take a nap you’ll be so worn out on all the football. So like the wise adage reads on the old gym t-shirt — “pain is only temporary” — we can all get through this slow down time together.
Despite the lack of football there were loads of great comments this week, but in keeping with the “America, Fuck Yeah” theme of the holiday weekend coming up, today’s KOTW highlights a particularly smart comedy pyramid. Take a bow participants in Klearinghouse: The Washington Reagans.
I am your host Sarah Sprague and these are your Komments of the Week for July 1, 2014. Summer is fading fast.
Mark Sanchez could QB the Washington Fords
The Washington Jacksons would just be a “fuck you”
I love it when you call me Bob Poppa
I like the Washington William Henry Harrisons. They will make a lot of fuss for a couple of days, then go away forever.
It’s going to be hard to work out a schedule of non-consecutive games for the Washington Grover Clevelands.
We could start caring about the Texans and instead use “Nobody cares about the Washington Fillmores”
What am I saying? No one will ever care about the Texans!
The Washington Buchanans will be divisive, incompetent, morally bankrupt, and just…just terrible. There’s comfort in familiarity, I suppose.
@Picketts Charge And they may even be our first gay football team!
The Washington Johnsons will get voted out of the league.
@Horatio Cornblower It’s just a distraction that will paper-over but ultimately only exacerbate long-simmering tensions between ownership and labor and…holy hell, this thing is really coming together.
Todd Collins will unretire and play for the Washington Grants
Monty this seems strange to me
Andy Reid is interested in coaching the Washington Tafts.
The Washington Jeffersons will overspend on a new home and luxuries that are completely unnecessary. So nothing will change.
The Washington Nixons will… basically just be the Patriots.
“I would like to formally volunteer to coach the Washington Clintons.” – Rex Ryan
The Washington Thomas Jefferson Davises
The Washington Kennedies will be fine until that game in Dallas.
The Washington (FD)Roosevelts will be crippled from the waist down, so really no change.
Meanwhile, @Troll-So-Hard University, the Washington Teddy Roosevelts can get shot in the chest and carry on doing what they were doing for three hours, which will come in very handy for road games in Baltimore.
I predict that the Washington Clinton’s cheerleader tryouts will be the most popular download from NFL.com.
The Washington FDRs would be on guard against Jap plays.
The Washington Trumans would play until the whistle stopped.
The Washington Eisenhowers would be able to defend the blitz.
City of Industry Football Corporation
The Washington Washington’s will finally have that endless helmet logo we all want.
The second iteration of the Washington Clintons is going to piss off the other teams even more than the first.
The Washington HW Bushes are going to be PISSED when a team of midgets storms the field and prevents them from winning a second title.
Beastmode Ate My Baby
Dan Snyder will successfully trademark the acronym for his Washington Woodrow Wilsons, and thus be convinced that he now owns the internet.
The Barge of Broken Dreams
The Washington Adaams can carry on the fine tradition of nepotism in the NFL.
The Barge of Broken Dreams
And the Washington Lincolns will be successful until they have to play in Detroit.
The Washington Madisons will have to flee when the London Jaguars show up and burn down the stadium.
The Washington W’s will be so incompetent and ineffective that they will hand out ridiculously idiotic contracts to aging, old, or worthless players like Bruce Smith, Mark Brunell, Albert Haynesworth, McNabb…hey, wait a minute.
The Washington Andrew Jacksons would probably be even more of an insulting name to our aboriginal brethren.
After defeating teams from the ‘South’, the Washington Lincolns will then emancipate their cheerleaders.
The Washington Van Burens would ensure that its fans remain in trapped in a depression, spurring Rush Limbaugh to refer to their plight as a trail of tears, much to the chagrin of native peoples.
The Washington Polks become so forgettable that media sources omit them from the standings.
I strongly encourage the Washington Lincolns to keep as few men in the box as possible during a play.
I want more like this!
Follow Kissing Suzy Kolber on Facebook and get the latest NFL news & humor before everyone else.