In 2014, you’re not shit in the NFL unless you’re pushing an old conversion fan. For example, Jay Cutler has one, as does future New Yorker scribe Kirk Cousins. And everyone knows that Rob Ryan has been rolling his smelly old van through the drive-in porn theaters of our great country. Okay, that’s the only three that I know of, but it’s a hard-and-fast journalism rule that three examples equals a trend so let’s roll with it.
— Mark Sanchez made some waves and purposefully provocative headlines by saying Eagles fans are nicer than Jets fans, which you might also think if you just signed with a new team and had yet to have a chance to piss off its fans. Nacho later clarified his comments by saying he meant that Eagles fans are nicer than when he played there as a Jet in 2011. So, yeah, big whatevs. Anyway, even if Sanchez stuck to his statement, is it possible for Jets fans to dislike him any more than they already do?
— A satiric post over at Football Perspective imagines how the media might have complained about Joe Montana and Bill Walsh in 1981 before the championships started rolling in. Hey, won’t all the pieces dumping on Andy Dalton being written now be great years later if he somehow ends up winning, like, three Super Bowls? Though I will also be interested in reading the “WHAT THE FUCK HOW DID DALTON WIN AGAIN?” takes.
— Notorious litterbug Emmanuel Sanders said Peyton Manning is a better leader than former teammate Ben Roethlisberger because Pey-Pey does things like stay after practice and make sure all his receivers are on the same page and also speaks in multisyllabic words. Then again, just wait until a pass intended for him gets broken up in the regular season and Peyton throws a fit so everyone in the stadium knows it’s Sanders’ fault.
— In further THE BEN things, Stephen A. Smith followed up his public apology for saying dumb shit about women by claiming he’s never had the impression than Roethlisberger is a bad guy. So, yeah, let’s stop paying attention to SAS, shall we? Ha ha, just kidding, where would blogs be without low-hanging fruit?
— PFTCommenter (@PFTCommenter) July 28, 2014
— Ravens fans repeatedly cheered Ray Rice at open practice at M&T Bank Stadium. If they didn’t have uneasy feelings about worshiping Ray Lewis, you really think they’d turn on Rice?
— Lingerie/Legacy League quarterback scored a touchdown and accepted a beer from a fan in celebration. In the NFL, that would probably earn you three times the suspension that Ray Rice got.
— Packers running back DuJuan Harris carried a little girl’s bike that was too small for him to ride to training camp, per that cutesy ritual the team does. Very adorbs, until you realize Mark Chmura might have done the same thing once.
— There’s a report that John Abraham was arrested for a DUI back on June 29. It’s his third arrest and second DUI since joining the NFL, so expect the banhammer to swing.
— Finally, Rappoccio has a Guardians of the Galaxy character for each NFL team over at Sports on Earth.
I want more like this!
Follow Kissing Suzy Kolber on Facebook and get the latest NFL news & humor before everyone else.