(Gets on stage at a strip club)

IF TOMORROW ALL THE RINGS WERE GONE
WE’D WORKED FOR AWL THESE YE-AHS
AND WE HAD TO STAHT AGAIN
LIKE SOME NEWBIE FACKING KWEEAHS
I’D GRAB A COUPLE TAWL BOYS
AND LACE UP MY K-SWISS
GRAWNK NATION WOULD RISE UP AGAIN
NO ONE DENIES THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSS

(Ices his bro)

AND I’M PROUD TO BE A PATRIOT
AND NAWT A DAHKIE FROM NEW YAHK
AND IF YOU BADMOUTH TAWMMY BRADY
THEN I’LL STAB YOU WITH A FAHK
AND I’D GLADLY STAND UP
NEXT TO YOU
UNLESS YOU AHHH A GAY
PEDROIAH/MAHKY MAHK IN 2016
GAWD BLESS THE USA

(Lights a road flare)

FROM THE PAH-KAY IN THE GAHDEN
TO THE MONSTAH IN FENWAY
INSIDE THE BAHS IN SOUTHIE
TO MY BOY HOUSE-O’S DRIVEWAY
FROM MEDFAHD DOWN TO QUINZEE
AND IN THE T EVERYDAY
I’VE HAD YOU-AH SISTAH IN AWL THESE PAHTS
THAT’S JUST THE PATRIOT WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY

(Has never left Boston)

AND I’M PROUD TO BE A SAWX FAN
AND I ALSO LIKE THE CELTS
AND WE CARRY SIXAHS OF BUD LIGHT LIME
AROUND IN OW-AH TOOL BELTS
WORK HAHD, PLAY HAHD
THAT’S WHAT WE ALWAYS SAY
AND SAWKAH AIN’T A FACKIN’ SPORT
GAWD BLESS THE USA

(Dips)