All of us here at KSK grew up in the pre-iTunes era, when there was something more permanent and deliberate about buying a shitty album. You had to a parent/sibling/bike to drive you to Best Buy or Tower records to fork over $14-$20 and carry home your choice in music. Now in the digital age ™, a regrettable record purchase is just as easily concealed as it is deleted. But for us, our old CDs would sit around collecting dust for years as incontrovertible proof that sometimes we make really, really, dumb choices.
That said, we’re airing our dirty laundry here in our mock draft of the album that we are embarrassed to have owned. We’re going two rounds and then as always, it’s up to you kommenters.
1. Sarah Sprague selects- The Moody Blues- Anthology
What the fuck? I’m not a Baby Boomer and their ’80s hits “Wildest Dreams”, “I Know You’re Out There” and “The Other Side of Life” are beyond schlock. Album best for when you’re already drunk and want to play air-keytar.
2. Trevor Risk selects- Chumbawamba, Tubthumper
I still own this CD. I still own a lot of CDs, and that’s not something a lot of people can say anymore, from what I can tell. I remember liking some other cuts off this album apart from the jock jam hit that made them famous. “Drip, Drip, Drip” and “Good Ship Lifestyle” were enjoyed by teenage Trevor. I also remember thinking it was a bold anarchist move when they poured ice water over the deputy prime minister of England at the Brit Awards, even though I had no clue what their political motivation was for doing it. Snotty, young me thought that was a bad ass move, I guess.
3. Old James selects- Limp Bizkit, Significant Other
Significant Other by Limp Bizkit. Admitting to owning that record probably puts me on some kind of NSA watch list (HI GUYS), as it rightfully should, since the soundtrack to 9 of 10 Florida meth shed explosions is “Break Stuff”.
4. StuScottBooyahs selects- Ace of Base, The Sign
I’m still not sure how I came to own this album as I don’t remember buying it, but trust me when I say that every single song on this album is a slight variation of “The Sign.”
5. Eric Sollenberger selects- The Soundtrack to “Meet the Deedles”
I’m embarrassed to say that I own it but not because of the songs on it, some of which are good (I was really into ska at the time.) It’s mostly embarrassing just saying the words “I own the soundtrack to Meet the Deedles.”
6. Christmas Ape selects- Limp Bizkit, Three Dolla Bill, Y’all
Sorry, folks, I was 16 years old in 1998.
/probably not a great excuse
//still maintain the “Faith” cover is not bad
7. Big Sandy selects- All of Dave Matthews Band’s albums – including bootlegs – pre-2002
I really, really, really, really was trying way too hard to get laid in high school and college.
8. PFT Commenter selects- Deion Sanders, Prime Time
This is a true story
I own the Deon Sanders primetime album. I went in to Sam Goody when it was closing down in 2005 (funny how George Bush didnt bail them out for being to big to fail you just know Obama would of provided his own stimulus package by personally bying out all there CashMoney records albums.) The CD didnt have a price tag on it I took it up to the cashier she looked at it looked at me and said just take it. I walked out of the store without paying. Its not good
9. Dave Rappoccio selects- Limp Bizkit, Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water
Seems like all of us fell under the terrible, terrible spell of Limp Bizkit
I was too young to know what the album title meant. I was too young to understand. I wish I could have known.
10. Johnny Sugar selects- Dane Cook, Retaliation
A lot of factors working together here: no one knew how much Dane Cook sucked yet, I was young and didn’t realize how shitty a lot of comedians are. A lot of girls found him funny/handsome and I needed SOMETHING to try to talk to girls about.
11. Johnny Sugar selects- Natasha Bedingfield, Unwritten
The title track is a legitimately great pop song. Rest of the album not so much. Really, though, I just had a huge crush on her when I was 15 because I’m a sucker for English accents.
12. Dave Rappoccio selects- Linkin Park – Meteora
Linkin Park’s first album was great angst rock crap that I was the perfect age for at the time. A few years later they released this turd, and it was exactly the same album as the first one. Once I heard it and realized every singe song on both albums were the exact same thing, I grew up a little bit and haven’t listened to them since.
13. PFT Commenter selects- Toby Keith, Shock ‘N’ Y’all
Im embarassed to own it on account of i was 100% sure that it would of had the “We’ll put a boot in yer ass its the American Way ” song in there somewhere specially with song listings like these but it didnt. Then i found out he was a democrap so i burned all his albums not intentonally though there was a controlled burn i did on my porch that got out of hand.
14. Big Sandy selects- Dido
No idea why. No idea.
15. Christmas Ape selects- Coldplay, Parachutes
Better than their more recent shit, but still not happy to divulge that I own it.
16. Eric Sollenberger selects- Billy Ray Cyrus, Some Gave All
It came out in 1992. My excuse is that it was probably the first album I ever owned, but I will admit to liking it until at least 1995.
17. StuScottBooyahs selects- Will Smith, Willenium
I was a teenager and it was the late 90s. How could I not be seduced by Will Smith’s sumptuous rhymes?
18. Old James selects- Mix #9, by Old James
I regret most mix CDs I ever made, but this one — made right after I graduated high school — takes the cake. I’m not sure what I was thinking in 2002, but I tried to guess.
1. Dave Matthews – #41 (I’m gonna get SO laid in college)
2. Beatsteaks – Summer (I honestly don’t know)
3. Dashboard Confessional – Screaming Infidelities (I’m NEVER gonna get laid)
4. Big Tymers – Still Fly (Segues will be an issue for me in the future)
5. O.A.R. – About an Hour Ago (Would you be surprised to learn I joined a fraternity? No?)
6. Candlebox – Far Behind (Saying goodbye to the girlfriend you never had is hard to do)
7. No Found Glory – My Friends Over You (I’d have probably eaten wet paint if I thought girls were into it)
8. Howie Day – Ghost (I have feelings too, you know)
9. Ben Harper – Burn One Down (WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED)
10. Jack Johnson – Flake (Have I mentioned how high I am off this WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED?)
11. Juvenile – She Get it From Her Momma (Now it’s a party)
12. Ben Folds – Still Fighting It (Now I’m depressed)
13. Guster – Either Way (Now I’m even more depressed)
14. Tool – Schism (Oh God, the mushrooms are kicking in)
15. Nitty Gritty Dirt Band – Fishin In The Dark (Let’s chill out for a sec, you guys)
16. CkY – 96 Quite Bitter Beings (LET’S THROW BOWLING BALLS AT OLD PEOPLE)
17. Trick Daddy – Thug Holiday (/Pours a little out)
19. Trevor Risk selects- S Club 7 “Two In A Million” single
This was a gift from my little sister when we were teenagers, so I guess I can’t throw it away, but I think she genuinely thought I was into it because I was such an insufferable Anglophile as a teen. If I’m being honest, I used to watch the show and pretend I was doing so as a joke, but I think I just had a boner for any passable girl in a spaghetti strap tank top and soccer pants, as was the *shudder* style at the time.
20. Sarah Sprague selects A Tommy Bahama Christmas album, Happy Huludays
Technically I bought it for Bryan as a stocking stuffer, but it’s also on my iPod, my laptop and in my home. So yes. This means I went into a Tommy Bahama store in a rush of panic two days before Christmas and bought something. Something that fucking Chris Berman probably rocks out to every December 22-25.
I want more like this!
Follow Kissing Suzy Kolber on Facebook and get the latest NFL news and humor before everyone else.