Certificate Of Merit June 17

sls 

A solid showing from the KSK Kommentariat this week, even though this is the slowest stretch in NFL news that I can remember in quite some time. A spiffy little Matthew McConaughey comedy pyramidMartin posting corgis in the PK vacation post, World Cup Liveblogifications that have been as funny as they has been smart. A Treaty of Tordesillas discussion. You are the very reason I tell people KSK is the exception to the “never read the comments” rule that other online writers hold so dear. 

On that front, you’ll notice we didn’t select any KOTW from the live blogs. Not that they’re not in there, but it’s very tough to go back and read that many live blog comments and select the best one. So instead we’re going to take Kommentariat stalwart Otto Man’s suggestion and let you guys nominate your favorite comments from those threads. Please though, no campaigning or bribery. We would hate to see the KOTW awards be devalued like early-aughts Argentinean currency.  

I am your host Sarah Sprague and these are your Comments of the Week for June 17, 2014. Go USA. 

Fitzmagic To Start For Texans

Old School Zero

Listen, I usually adore all the KSKharacters, but this “Houston Texans” you’ve made up just strains credulity.

Troll-So-Hard University

The Texans have adopted the strategy of so many large American corporations : find a Harvard grad who drove the organization into the ground at his old job and massively overpay him to fail here too.

Arian Foster explains the Sunday Ticket monopoly to Peyton Manning

Monty this seems strange to me

Terrell Owens will do push-ups for you for that $100. Actually he’ll settle for bus fare at this point.

(Reply) Old School Zero

He offered to wash my windows the other day, but I’m not falling for that again. All he does is wash off one little square and then looks at the reflection of his abs in it for two hours

Johnny Manziel Cannot Help But Be Drunk Johnny Stacks

Balls of Steel

(Money phone flies open)

Money: Johnny! Johnny!
JF: Wooooooooo
Money: Johnny, we need to talk.
JF: I’m sorry, I can’t hear you!
(Money is exasperated. Money has seen this too many times)
Money: Johnny, I can’t do this anymore.
JF: WHAT? I CAN’T HEAR YOU!
Money: This is it, Johnny. If you can’t be serious for one second, I’m leaving.
JF: WOooooooo
Money: Dammit, Johnny! Don’t you want to fight for US?!?
JF: I can’t hear you! (laughs)
Money: (cries)
JF: what?
Money: goodbye, sweet doofus. I will always care for you.
JF: Wooooo! I can’t hear you!!

(Money runs away with a stripper named Sinnamon)

Fin

Bills Fandom Gets 87% More Ironical With Potential Pabst Ownership Bid

DNP Priapism

Damnit, why won’t Danny Wegman make a bid.

(Reply) Duchess

Like the other owners would let him come in and make them look bad by giving all the stadium workers things like paid vacations and livable wages while providing value friendly concession prices.

Football As Football Finishes Final Redesigns, Launches Kickstarter for Art Book

nachosanchez

I know the name doesn’t really allow for much creative interpretation, but all the ones for the Jets seem kind of meh.

(Reply) Electric Mayhem

I assumed that boring logos were part of the Jets mystique.

(Reply) nachosanchez

Your mistake was assuming the Jets have any sort of mystique.

(Reply) Mike Wallace and Gromit

If the Jets had Mystique I’m sure they’d morph her into a competent quarterback.

Daytona Speedway President Wants To Host Jaguars Preseason Game In The Infield

Duchess

I thought Jaguars only broke down and crash into each other on Formula 1 tracks.