Chad Johnson has his Montreal Alouettes jersey. There it is! Having a uniform is an important part of being employed to play football. It also just happens to look like USMNT’s World Cup jerseys. Great, now I have to be sad that Ocho isn’t actually involved with the World Cup. In the meantime, Chad was held out of Montreal’s preseason game on Saturday with an ankle injury, so we’re still patiently waiting for Chad’s first actual CFL appearance. Dammit, waiting sucks. Just get him out there wearing a moose head on the field already.

— Jimmy Graham’s Twitter bio might cost him $5 million in his appeal with the NFL’s ruling on his position because he lists himself as a tight end in it. I hope Graham’s agent makes the argument that his client is just bragging about his own ass.

— Brandon Weeden currently getting all the first-team reps with the Cowboys. Sure, it doesn’t necessarily mean that Doopy Pantz will be starting any games for Dallas this year, but I still can’t help but laugh at the possibility.

— Teddy Bridgewater plans to wear gloves the rest of his career. In turn, sportswriters agree to spend the same amount of time speculating how much of an effect said gloves have on his throws.

— A 2011 Porsche Panamera owned by Willis McGahee can be yours (on eBay, no less!) for the low, low price of $89,890. Its windshield was once busted by a wayward Kyle Orton pass and its backseat is where a classroom full of children were conceived.

— Dan Steinberg has a breakdown of the hashtags that RGIII has used on Twitter since May 1. Finally, a media beat possibly more pointless and depressing than reading Peter King each week.

— Ben Roethlisberger says Heath Miller is looking like his old, pre-ACL injury self, so the tight end might once again return to being good and underused as opposed to average and used about as much as he should be.

— Colin Kaepernick held a charity golf tournament to benefit an organization helping children born with heart defects. He even kept his hat on straight in all the pictures! Hopefully this buys him one week of the NFL season free of criticism about his attire or tattoos.

— Ray Rice reportedly met with Roger Goodell on Monday at NFL headquarters, so presumably we’ll soon have news on how many games he’ll miss. Hopefully he won’t also make his wife apologize for that.

— A bear happened upon a baseball game in Alaska, is unimpressed. Always glad to see our animal friends share my enthusiasm for baseball.