welkerhundo

By now, the image of Broncos wide receiver Wes Welker joyously throwing $100 bills in the air has been permanently etched into our minds as a glorious picture of pure, unadulterated happiness. A man full of wonder and mirth sharing his fortune with the rest of also-extremely-rich folks at the country’s biggest rich person party. What could possibly taint such a wonderful image?

Well, I’ve got bad news for you; it was all a great big lie. Yes, apparently, Welker was paid out way too much money at the Derby. How way-too-much? How does $14,858.55 strike you? That’s right, a mix of computer error and human error led to Welker getting far more money than he was supposed to, so those Benjamins he was throwing around at Churchill Downs were never really his.

Welker has said that he doesn’t plan to repay his excess winnings, and frankly, why the fuck should he? Yes, he’s a very wealthy man, and could easily afford to give the money back, but the track fucked up, and they should have to live with the consequences of their error. And let’s be honest, while Welker is obscenely rich by regular person standards, he’s actually been pretty underpaid by Pro Bowl caliber receiver standards, so really, this is just balancing out the universe.

But whether he pays the money back or not, it won’t make the story any less disappointing. Those of us who just wanted to watch a super rich person hand out money to other less-rich-but-still-pretty-well-off people have been robbed of our innocence today. How do we even know what’s real anymore? Next, you’re gonna tell me Pacman Jones was handing out monopoly money at that strip club. I don’t believe in nuthin’ no more, I’m goin to law school!