ricecake

Hey, would you like to buy the jersey of an NFL player who doesn’t really exist, but was simply made up by a marketing department as the lame-ass sequel to a Super Bowl commercial that wasn’t all that funny in the first place? You would? Good, because the Houston Texans have a hell of a deal for you.

Yes, the Texans are selling “Jerry Ricecake” jerseys, a reference to the lazily named character that Jerry Rice played in a Super Bowl commercial this year. Much like the Leon Sandcastle ad from the previous Super Bowl, the ad involved an NFL Hall Of Famer disguising himself as a prospect in order to sneak back into the league. But whereas “Leon Sandcastle” was at least a mildly clever deviation from “Deion Sanders,” the name “Jerry Ricecake” sounds like it was thought of in about three seconds, and it probably was.

I have no idea who the potential audience for this is. Keep in mind, the price is $100, so it’s not like the Texans are intending this as a silly gag gift; they’re selling it the same way they would sell a jersey of Andre Johnson or J.J. Watt. This begs the question: who is going to drop a hundred bucks in order to publicly make reference to what essentially amounts to the Caddyshack II of Super Bowl commercials? You would need someone with a ton of disposable income, a complete lack of good taste, and connections to the Houston area. Hmm,…

I fully expect to see Johnny Manziel photographed in one of these jerseys by the time June rolls around.