Roger_Goodell Wiki

Lord Rog: Memorial Day weekend.

A cold beer, my boat, maybe catching up on “Mad Men” for a few hours after Jane goes to bed tonight. Head down to the local parade on Monday to show the troops the NFL cares about the fallen brothers and sisters in arms. Take a load off. It’s been a long week of owners meetings, preparing for the 2018 Super Bowl, dodging letters from the US Senate. Just a long weekend of nothingness. No calls from Snyder to avoid, no twenty page memos from Ed Hochli about why we should hire his son Shawn. Just peace and quiet out on the lake with a cooler of finest Bud Light Platinum courtesy of my groundskeeper Silky.

*Cracks up open first beer, starts to take a sip.*

Phone: *BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ*

Lord Rog: Can’t be anything major. It’s Friday. Before a long weekend. No one will have big news today.

Phone: *BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ*

Lord Rog: Wait, I should be strong.  It can’t be that urgent. Doc says I need to relax or my ticker will blow out on me.

Phone: *BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ*

Lord Rog: Well, guess it can’t hurt to look at my phone one last time before the weekend. Could be Jerry saying he’s got the cabin across the lake this year.

Phone: 

Lord Rog: Oh, forgot this presser was happening today. Good to see Ray is being a man and owning up to his mistakes. Now about that beer…

Phone: *BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ*

Lord Rog: Well, counseling certainly helped me and my wife when we…

Phone: *BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ*

Lord Rog: Mother f -

Phone: *BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ*

Lord Rog: *Goodell looks at his beer, looks at his phone, looks at his Bud Light Platinum again. Pours out the entire bottle into the lake.*

Phone: *Buzz Buzz Buzz* 

Lord Rog: *Chucks phone into the lake, skipping it across the water for five jumps.*

Lord Rog: Jane! Call Silky and tell him to send the car. We’ll have a long weekend when I retire.